What’s The Big Deal?
It should be the first thing out of your ad's mouth.
Imagine trying to sell a Monet masterpiece by first touting the
frame around the painting . . . or extolling a luxury car by first
promoting its glove box. It sounds a little daft, but I'm
exaggerating to make a point: Some companies still trumpet the
supporting advantages of their product before the big benefit. That's what I point out to Patty and Ed Lonsbary of
Gibsonia, Pennsylvania. The Lonsbarys run Private Motor Coach Inc.,
a service that charters its custom-outfitted bus for luxury travel,
both personal and corporate. While the slogan they currently use to
head their brochure-"Anywhere, Any time"-gets attention
and deserves play, it's not catchy enough to be the first thing
prospects will notice. My suggestion for the brochure's heading is, "Travel
Like A Rock Star." This would be followed by a subhead that
explains, "Tour in the unique luxury of a fully customized
motor coach . . . any time, anywhere." After all, the
Lonsbarys are selling their bus as a kingly alternative to typical
four-wheel travel. They've renovated the interior with couches,
a bedroom, a bath, a shower, a kitchen and a lounge. The fact that
you're able to travel in it "anywhere, any time" is a
side benefit that most would consider a given anyway. Content Continues Below
The unexpected headline will draw attention and at least get
prospects to open the brochure. As with a store, if you can't
draw them inside, they remain passersby and lost opportunities.
Jerry Fisher is a freelance advertising copywriter in the San
Francisco Bay area and author of Creating Successful Small
Business Advertising (available through Bookmasters,
800-247-6553). If you'd like Jerry to consider your materials
for a makeover in this column, write to him c/o Entrepreneur or
e-mail him at jerry228@aol.com.
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