No one really likes to think about how much lying goes on at the
bargaining table. Of course not—it's troubling. On the
one hand, we aspire to principled negotiation, win-win solutions
and civility with our opponents. On the other, our whole notion of
negotiation is built on ethical quicksand: To succeed, you must
deceive.
I'm not talking about the obvious cases, such as the bald
lie. Those we all condemn, and in fact, our courts provide remedies
for them—albeit slow, aggravating, inconsistent and expensive
ones. To me, it's the little lies, the omissions and evasions,
that are more curious.
In negotiation, exaggerating benefits, ignoring flaws or saying
"I don't know" when in reality you do is not
considered lying. Rather, it's sales ability. Declaring your
bottom line to be non-negotiable (even when you're posturing)
is not lying. It's a show of strength. Pretending to bend over
backward to make meaningless concessions is not lying. It's
applied psychology. Savvy businesspeople accept these rituals
without undue introspection. Of course, the pathologically honest
among us find them disturbing. But we have a place for those people
. . . in the back room, far away from any bargaining table.
Pretending to bend
over backward to make meaningless concessions is not lying.
It's applied psychology.
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Still, some evasiveness and deception we consider out of bounds.
Following are some tips for staying in bounds without getting
clobbered.
On defense, vigilant skepticism is a tremendous asset. Reflect
on everything you hear. Reflect on everything you don't. If
you're suspicious, ask questions, especially ones that require
more than just a simple yes or no answer. Keep probing until
you're satisfied. J.P. Morgan used to say, "A man always
has two reasons for the things he does—a good one and the
real one." So after you get the good ones, ask for the real
ones by saying "And why else?" Also, get important
promises in writing, and scrutinize their wording with and without
your lawyer. To discourage dishonesty, tell your opponent you will
independently verify the important stuff. If you can, do it. By the
way, experts say it's easier to detect lying on the phone than
in person. The voice all by itself (without distracting visual
cues) is more of a giveaway.
To the terminally honest, I say: Negotiation is not group
therapy. Generally, if you bare your soul, you will be fleeced.
Respect the rules—or have someone else do your bargaining for
you. If you're a liar (and you know who you are), I hope you
get nailed big time. And if you're morally sturdy and find
yourself unsure of what to say or omit, just keep Richard
Nixon's comments about Watergate in mind: "I was not
lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
A speaker and attorney in Los Angeles, Marc Diener is the author of
Deal Power.