I like most of the people I deal with. Sometimes things start
off rocky, but usually I can build a good relationship. This
isn't about those people.
Instead, this month, I vent about those "others" out
there who should be medicated, strapped to a gurney and whisked
from the bargaining table. Dear Reader, I hope you don't
recognize yourself below:
1. The liar: You spend a lot
of time haggling when you practice law for 20 years. By now,
nothing should surprise me. But it does. When somebody tells me a
big lie, my jaw drops and my soul fills with wonder. Some lie
deliberately. Some can't tell the difference. Whatever the
reason, the liar brings a touch of evil in and erodes whatever
faith we have left in humanity. I could quote Dante. Instead, to
all you liars out there, I say: May your spouses deceive you and
your children betray you.
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2. The whiner: "Aw,
come on, come on, come on..." My dog uses this tactic. I have
to admit--she is often successful. But this is not dignified for
anything that walks upright and has opposable thumbs. Luckily, one
can retrain this breed of opponent using store-bought kibble and a
rolled-up newspaper.
3. The manipulator: I often
represent studios when they hire stars for their movies. One such
luminary demanded a huge loan as an advance against his (already
highly inflated) fee. When I explained to his attorney that the
studio did not think that kind of deal was appropriate, he got just
plain nasty. "Don't you care about my client?" he
snapped indignantly. For a nanosecond, I felt guilty. In Hollywood,
negotiations are often carried out with phrases such as "Trust
me," "You 'da man," "I'm reaching out
to you" and "baby." To those of you who live outside
of Los Angeles, be grateful that these are just local customs.
4. The cheap con: I know
I'm dealing with a "smoove" talker when they ask for
my bottom line within the first 20 seconds of a negotiation. My
first name may be "Marc," but I don't like being
taken for one. Insulting your opponent's bargaining acumen is
not the best way to establish rapport.
5. The time-waster: I mean
the petty ones who can't see the forest for the trees and get
caught up in details that end up being meaningless. Now, I must
confess. Once, when I leased the floating hull of an abandoned ship
owned by the Canadian Navy as a movie set, they reserved the right
to kick us off in the event of war. I objected. "How," I
exclaimed, "could anyone shoot a movie with that hanging over
their heads?" Quietly, the representative asked me to name the
last time the Canadian Navy went to war.
He got me.
A speaker and attorney in Los Angeles, Marc Diener is the author of
Deal Power.