Do women sabotage other women in business, and, if so, what can
be done about it? We asked two experts with differing views for
advice. "Women are relationship-focused," says Cheryl
Dellasega, associate professor at Penn State University College of
Medicine at the Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center in
Hershey, Pennsylvania, and co-author of Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End Female
Bullying. "Early on, women learn their connections
with each other can be very powerful or very damaging."
Dellasega believes women who learn to get their way through
aggression as girls continue these behaviors throughout life.
"They may not even be aware of how sabotaging their behavior
is."
According to Julie Overholt, a professional certified executive
coach and certified behavioral analyst in Plano, Texas, sabotage is
committed by anyone-male or female-who feels powerless. "Women
running businesses are not powerless and, in my experience, are far
less inclined to sabotage other women," says Overholt.
"Women entrepreneurs understand the real, long-term value of
building relationships instead of burning bridges."
For her next book, due out in 2005, Dellasega spoke with many
women in business and found women often sabotage other women out of
a belief that "if you succeed, it takes something away from
me." Sabotage can manifest itself in many ways, including
"failing" to pass along opportunities that might benefit
another woman or sharing them with her competitors instead.
Saboteurs may also speak disparagingly about the other woman or
choose not to refer clients or business to her.
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Overholt says if a woman thinks she has been sabotaged, it could
be because, in trying to understand what she is experiencing, she
may be looking for evidence in situations and observations that
validate her suspicion she is being sabotaged. "If they need
to believe that women sabotage women to justify their own
experience, then that's what they will find."
Whether the sabotage is real or perceived, both Overholt and
Dellasega have advice for women business owners who believe they
have been sabotaged. "Honor your fear, but keep in mind that
fear is a caution sign, not a red light, so proceed with
caution," says Overholt. "Ask questions of people you
respect and who respect you. Listen carefully to their replies.
Look dispassionately at the evidence you gather about how women
business owners behave toward other women entrepreneurs. Does the
evidence support your fear? Or does it lead to a different
conclusion?" She also advises looking within and asking
yourself if you have some responsibility in what you are
experiencing.
Dellasega suggests several ways to protect yourself from
sabotage: Surround yourself with a solid network of women you know
from experience to be positive resources and great supporters. And
get to know other women you're thinking of associating with
before sharing ideas and connections.
If you feel you have been sabotaged by another woman in
business, Dellasega says sometimes the best thing to do is to rise
above it and turn to your personal and professional network for
support. "There can be legal options for restitution, but
these remedies take time," explains Dellasega. "For
women, the emotional connotations attached to sabotage often do the
most damage." In speaking with women who feel they have been
sabotaged, she heard less about the material damage and more about
the pain of betrayal.
Overholt suggests if you believe another woman has sabotaged
you, you should be open, honest and direct in questioning the
woman. "Often, we find other people are acting out of their
needs and really not thinking about us. Any harm they do us is
unintentional," she says. "Calling it to that woman's
attention in a forthright manner is a good way to find out her true
intention."
Aliza Pilar Sherman (www.mediaegg.com) is an author, freelance
writer and speaker specializing in women's issues.