To paraphrase Tolstoy, "All happy deals resemble one
another, but each unhappy deal is unhappy in its own way."
It's almost always about the people. Show me a smooth
negotiation, and I'll show you participants who are reasonable,
polite and efficient. Show me your "deal from hell," and
I'll show you participants who are flaky, paranoid, hysterical,
abusive and/or all or some of the above.
For whatever reason, deal making often brings out the ugly side
of commerce. At the drop of a hat, parties polarize, one side
vilifying the other. Principal players are overcome by fear and
greed. The old business and personal traumas surface. Egos clash as
the insecure become blustery, then arrogant, then
insufferable.Others bargain in the present but live in the past, as
they act out dysfunctional family attitudes and early childhood
neuroses.
The immature, tightly wound opponent (however manifested) is
unavoidable. As with medicine, early screening and detection are
key. Query: What vibe do you get from your opponent at first
contact? Of course, some will fool you, but your gut is often
smarter than you are. Think of that first phone call or meeting as
a preview of coming attractions. Watch for goofy or unreasonable
demands early on. Listen carefully to what their own professionals
say about them-and especially look for that omnibus euphemism
"difficult personality."
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Occasionally, you'll have to kill a deal-not because
it's a bad one, but because you know deep down that the other
side is simply impossible. More often, your business interests will
rule, and you'll have to suck it up, smile and haggle in good
faith.
For starters, think of difficult negotiations not as a hassle
but as a challenge. The experience will only make you better at
handling others and better at handling yourself. Accept it. Do not
become distracted by your opponent's antics, however
outrageous. This is business. Stay focused on your goals and on the
actual issues. Don't escalate hostilities, lest you get caught
in a senseless cycle of verbal violence. Let it roll off you. After
all, it's not about you; it's about them. You should also
remember that "craziness" can be feigned as a tactic to
manipulate you. If that's the case, consider calling your
opponent on it, whether tactfully or bluntly.
As with most negotiations, it's best to begin by building
trust, speaking to the other side's interests, and making some
easy concessions first. The calm voice of reason can work wonders.
With a little luck, you may bring them around. Finally, have some
compassion. People that are difficult in business are probably
difficult in life. After you shake on it, you can move on. But they
still have to live with themselves.
A speaker and attorney in Los Angeles, is author of Deal Power.