Running a company requires many different skills, not all of
which come easily to everyone. Is negotiating one of the skills
that tends to be more challenging for women?
"Women have an easier time asking for something for someone
other than themselves," says Ronna Lichtenberg, president of
New York City-based management consulting firm Clear Peak
Communications and author of Pitch Like a Girl: How a Woman Can Be Herself
and Still Succeed. "For reasons having to do with both
nature and nurture, women also have a difficult time with
self-promotion, which is what negotiation can feel like."
Carol Frohlinger, a managing partner with The Shadow
Negotiation LLC in Long Island, New York, which provides
negotiation skills training for women, and co-author of Her Place at the Table: A Woman's Guide to
Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success, sees
additional challenges for women. "Many women have preconceived
notions of what a successful negotiator does based on traditional
male models--the 'take no prisoners' approach. And that
approach to negotiation just doesn't work for us. It isn't
comfortable."
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To illustrate the difference between how men and women perceive
negotiations, Frohlinger asked a group of men and women to share
their definitions of win-win. "The response I got from
a man was, 'Win-win negotiation is when you win, but the other
party thinks he's won'--a focus on the short-term result
without much consideration as to what will happen when the
'loser' figures it out," she says. Lack of negotiating
skills can affect an owner's reputation--and a company's
bottom line.
Says Lichtenberg, "Women often discount themselves. They
say things like 'You may have already thought about this, but .
. . ' or 'I probably shouldn't ask you, but . . .
.' Women also may not do their homework about their market
value, or may ask for too little to avoid how uncomfortable they
feel negotiating."
Lichtenberg notes that it can be particularly hard for women to
negotiate with someone they like, because they're concerned the
negotiation may upset the relationship.
Michelle Lemmons-Poscente, 43, often has to negotiate as
president of Dallas-based International Speakers Bureau, a $6 million company
that provides speakers and presenters for special events, meetings,
conferences and conventions. She recommends that, when you're
at a negotiating standstill, you come up with an entirely different
deal, offering a fresh solution for both parties. Most of all, she
believes it's important to have confidence and not be afraid to
walk away from a deal. "Don't get emotionally attached to
any deal," she says. "Keep every negotiation in black and
white--keep focused on the facts of the deal and what you want to
walk away with."
Lichtenberg suggests imagining you're negotiating on behalf
of someone else who deserves a premium price--doing so can make you
more comfortable asking for more. "Get your talking points
down to something you can write on a small sticky note," she
also suggests. "Pay attention to your own and the other
person's style. Different people require different kinds of
pitches."
Frohlinger concurs that in negotiations, you should always
consider the other person's interests as well as your own:
"It takes two to make an agreement."
Aliza Pilar
Sherman is an author, freelance writer and speaker specializing
in women's issues.