1. Google themselves
2. Throw darts at pictures of customers, vendors and competitors
3. Pantomime handing their business card to Donald Trump (without staring at his hair)
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4. Tape pictures of themselves to the cover of Entrepreneur magazine
5. Search for spelling errors on competitors’ websites. Take quiet satisfaction in finding them
6. Look up terms like trafficology and ecoflation so the next chamber mixer goes better
7. Consult medical journals to judge feasibility of placing product where disgruntled customer suggested
8. Practice the speech they’ll deliver before ringing the opening bell on Wall Street after their IPO draws comparisons to Google
9. Whisper sweet nothings to their framed first dollar
10. Practice turning down Leno’s people because they are booked on Letterman the same night