Q: I
have a lot of trouble feeling comfortable enough to introduce
myself to total strangers, but I know this is important in
networking. How can I overcome this obstacle?
A: In
her book Skills for Success: A Guide to the Top for Men
and Women, Adele M. Scheele tells about a cocktail party
where she met someone who was hesitant to introduce himself to
total strangers. Scheele suggested that he "consider a
different scenario for the evening. That is, consider himself the
party's host instead of its guest." She asked him: What if
he were the host? Wouldn't he introduce himself to people he
didn't know and then introduce them to each other? Wouldn't
he watch for lulls in conversations or bring new people over to an
already-formed small group?
Scheele's new acquaintance acknowledged the obvious
difference between the active role of the host and the passive role
of the guest. Scheele concluded that "there was nothing to
stop this man from playing the role of host, even though he
wasn't the actual host."
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Now I know that sounds easy, but when it comes right down to it,
actually acting like the host isn't so simple for many people.
Not all individuals are good at "acting" like something
they are not. Therefore, I have one important thing to add to this
advice: Don't "act" like the host, "be" the
host.
Most of the business organizations you go to have a position
that is responsible for meeting visitors. And I know it sounds
crazy telling someone who is uncomfortable meeting new people at a
networking event to be the host. At first, it must sound a little
like telling a boxer to "lean into a punch!" But
there's a big difference, and it really works.
Most people's fears relating to meeting new people at
networking events come from not having a proper context to
introduce themselves to others. Just as Scheele points out, when
you are the host, you don't feel uncomfortable introducing
yourself to someone you don't know who's at your party. So
the key in feeling comfortable is to establish the proper
context.
To establish the proper context, I recommend that you volunteer
to be an ambassador, or a visitor host, at the networking groups
you belong to. An ambassador or visitor host is someone who greets
all the visitors and introduces them to others. Over time, this
type of position will give you an opportunity to meet many people,
put them together with others and become an accomplished
gatekeeper. Helping others connect, meet and get what they need
will unquestionably help you build your business. Furthermore, it
will do it in a way that helps others.
By using this technique, you'll start to develop excellent
networking skills and get great exposure to many business
professionals in a short time.
A distinguishing characteristic of self-made millionaires is
that they network everywhere. Most importantly, they do it all the
time--at business conferences, at the health club, on the golf
course or with the person sitting next to them on a plane. This
fact alone should motivate you to place yourself in situations
where you can meet new people and do so in a way that you feel
comfortable.
It's not called net-sit or net-eat, it's called
net-work. If you want to become a better networker, give this
technique a try. You will be pleased with the results.
Ivan Misner is the founder and CEO of Business Network
International (BNI), which has more than 2,700 chapters
throughout the world. He is also the author of five books,
including his New York Times bestseller, Masters of
Networking, as well as Entrepreneur Press' forthcoming
Masters of Success.
The opinions expressed in this column are those
of the author, not of Entrepreneur.com. All answers are intended to
be general in nature, without regard to specific geographical areas
or circumstances, and should only be relied upon after consulting
an appropriate expert, such as an attorney or
accountant.