Q: Aren't there times when
networking is just not appropriate? I feel like I am never able to
just relax and enjoy an event in order to be a successful
networker.
A: Although I advocate that
networking is a lifestyle and that you need to incorporate it into
everything you do, I also believe that you must honor the event.
This means that in some cases you are going to network a lot
differently than you would in other cases. For example, networking
at a chamber mixer is one thing, while networking at a church
social is something completely different.
First, we must understand what I mean by "networking."
I believe that networking is part of the process of developing your
social capital. Building your social capital hinges on the
development of meaningful relationships with other people. Since
one should always be working on building meaningful relationships
with other people, he or she should always be networking. However,
that doesn't mean someone should always be trying to sell
something to someone, because that rarely facilitates the
development of meaningful relationships. Herein lies the
misinterpretation of the practice of networking. Some people think
that networking means to be constantly selling your products or
services.
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To me, networking means that you should constantly build
relationships. The best way to build relationships is to help
someone whenever possible. A good networker has two ears and one
mouth and should use them proportionately. Hence, if you understand
networking to be the process one uses to develop relationships and
build one's social capital, then it makes sense that someone
should network everywhere-including the church social. They key is
that you must honor the event.
To truly honor the event, you need to network appropriately.
That means your networking approach must be different in a chamber
meeting compared to a social event. In both cases, you should make
contacts, put people together, help others and build relationships.
However, you should not be actively promoting your business
in one of those two groups. (Hint: It's not the chamber.)
Instead, at a church function, you should simply focus on putting
people together and helping others.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. Last year, I had the
opportunity to attend a formal dinner put on by the "Friendly
Sons of St. Patrick." This was a black-tie social event, not a
business networking dinner, yet I was able to make a great contact
that ended up being immensely successful for me (and, I hope, for
one of the people I met there).
You see, seated at my table were a prominent senior partner to a
major international law firm, a former member of the Beach Boys and
Buzz Aldrin, part of the first mission to set foot on the moon and
now an entrepreneur as the founder of the ShareSpace Foundation.
During the course of the evening, I mentioned to Aldrin that I was
working on a new book entitled Masters of Success. He's certainly
attained a well-known level of success and has some very strong
feelings about the future of the space program, so I thought he
might be interested in sharing his thoughts in this new book. After
getting to know each other better, I asked him if he would be
interested in contributing a chapter to the book. He was.
Consequently, he is one of the prominent contributing authors to a
book that is about to be released, and I believe it's a win-win
for both of us.
As you can see, it is desirable to keep your networking goals in
sight at all events and opportunities, without becoming a
networking vulture or someone that everyone else runs from when
they see you coming. Honor the event and tailor your networking
strategies so that you fit in without being tuned out.
Another very important aspect of successful, active networking
is to be sincere. There are people who are so successful at
networking that they are able to network virtually everywhere, and
it's because they really care about making connections for
others, not just for themselves. I have seen that those who network
exclusively for selfish gain come across as very shallow and
insincere.
Make no mistake about it: Networking can be done with a selfish
end in mind, but if you are truly living the mantra that
"givers gain," you will come across very differently. No
one minds the opportune exchange of information that will benefit
one or more people, even when that exchange takes the form of a
business card at a bar mitzvah.
Ivan Misner is the founder and CEO of Business Network
International (BNI), which has more than 2,700 chapters
throughout the world. He is also the author of five books,
including his New York Times bestseller, Masters of
Networking, as well as Entrepreneur Press' forthcoming
Masters
of Success.
The opinions expressed in this column are
those of the author, not of Entrepreneur.com. All answers are
intended to be general in nature, without regard to specific
geographical areas or circumstances, and should only be relied upon
after consulting an appropriate expert, such as an attorney or
accountant.