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Definition: A receptionist adept at blocking visitors, rather than facilitating their needs.
Usage: Jane must still be avoiding me. I saw her go into her office, but the deceptionist told me she had just stepped out.
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Dining al Desco
Definition: Eating at one's desk in order to keep working.
Usage: Nothing sucks the soul out of a perfectly good lunch break like watching Kevin down a Clif Bar al desco.
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Definition: A person who comes up with myriad business ideas but never actually sees one out.
Usage: Lauren's a total fauxtrepreneur. She claimed she was about to launch a gourmet waffle stand, but she's still punching the clock in a cube farm. She's all talk, no business plan.
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Definition: A frat-boy-esque computer programmer; an anti-nerd.
Usage: Barry knew his boss was going after the brogrammer set when he installed a beer-pong table in the break room.
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Definition: Far too early in the morning (Originated as a military term.)
Usage: If the boss man keeps calling me in at o'dark thirty, I might as well stop wasting money on rent and start squatting at the office.
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Definition: When someone calls in sick to work 13 times in a single quarter.
Usage: Stevie logs onto WebMD daily to find new sick-day excuses on his way to a faker's dozen.
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Definition: A client, employee, co-worker, etc., who addresses workplace issues through passive-aggressive e-mails or who steals thunder through e-mails.
Usage: Martin told me he'd send our ideas to the boss, but I found out he took credit in the e-mail for everything we both worked on. He's such an e-hole.
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Definition: The act of making yourself appear engaged and interested when the person addressing you bores you to the point of exhaustion.
Usage: Donna's PowerPoint presentation was incredibly boring. I had to lean in so far I nearly fell out of my chair in the middle of the crowded conference room.
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Definition: The act of meeting to discuss a failure and find a scapegoat.
Usage: Hey, did you hear management is planning a big blamestorming session so they can decide who to pin their latest screw-up on?
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Definition: A project with no shortage of volunteers; a plum position.
Usage: Talk about a bacon job: a competitive salary, benefits, a gym membership--and an isolated desk perfect for playing Words With Friends all day. Who wouldn't want that gig?
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Definition: A conoisseur of corporate slang. This person has an extensive, but borderline meaningless, vocabulary.
Usage: If you refer to the gunk that has built up on your computer as "keyboard plaque," you're a jargonaut (and you should probably clean that keyboard).
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Definition: The colleague who always gets the worst colds, yet still makes it in to work to cough, hack and infect the entire office.
Usage: Mucus troupers are so disgusting. They clear their throats for the entire office to hear, they sneeze on their keyboard and then they want to "grab lunch" with you.