Taming the red-eyed monster.(Management & Careers)

Stress! Almost everyone is concerned about it. And there are good reasons for being concerned. Researchers have found that 75 to 90 percent of the illnesses we experience are stress-related. That means that stress is at least partially responsible for most of the illnesses we know.

GOOD STRESS AND BAD STRESS

Of course, stress is not all bad. Nor is it something to be avoided. Stress is a normal part of life and there's even such a thing as good stress! When we are living life on purpose--following our hopes 2and dreams and accepting the challenges life sends our way--we are experiencing "eustress" or good stress. When this happens, we are likely to feel energized and highly satisfied with life.

The enemy is "distress," or stress that drains us physically, emotionally, and socially. Some of the signs and symptoms of distress include headaches, backaches, ulcers, diarrhea, constipation (stress hits people in different ways!), fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, irritability, cynicism, depression, withdrawing from others, and lashing out at others. Chronic stress can result in frequent bouts with minor illness or more debilitating illnesses like colitis, cardiac problems, stroke, and cancer.

LEARNING TO COPE WITH STRESS

It's important to learn how to deal with distress. One of the keys is recognizing that much of the stress we experience is self-induced. One of my favorite cartoons shows a man talking with a stress management counselor. The man says, "I don't plan to stop burning the candle at both ends--I'm here so you can tell me where to get more wax." Clearly our inability to say "no" and our tendency to get involved in too many things are ways we create stress for ourselves.

But there are other ways as well. Here are some of the more common ones: being overly rigid, being highly competitive, having perfectionist tendencies, being impatient, setting unrealistic expectations, using negative self-talk, and allowing interpersonal conflicts to go unresolved. Since much stress is self-induced, we can reduce our stress level by reversing these behavioral characteristics. If we could just learn to be less rigid, less competitive, less perfectionistic, and so forth, we would be well on our way to dealing with stress.

Now, there are several specific strategies for coping more effectively with stress. These can be divided into four broad categories: physical, mental, social, and holistic approaches. I'll touch on each of these briefly.

PHYSICAL APPROACHES

Many of the signs and symptoms of distress are a result of poor physical habits. By making positive changes in the areas below, we can reduce many of the common stress-related problems: headaches, backaches, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, and irritability.

Good Nutrition. Most of us need to reduce our intake of caffeine (coffee, tea, cola, chocolate), highly refined carbohydrates (sweet rolls, doughnuts, pancakes), saturated fats, and salt. Most of us need to increase our intake of fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts, and whole grain breads. It's also important to get a good breakfast in the morning.

Regular Exercise. It's good practice to do stretching exercises and to go for walks on a daily basis. Some form of aerobic exercise that works the heart and lungs (running, swimming, biking, aerobic dance) is also recommended for 20 to 30 minutes three or four times a week.

Adequate Sleep. Getting sufficient rest (six to eight hours per night) is critical for being able to deal with stress. If insomnia is a problem, a combination of exercise, relaxation techniques, and positive self-talk can assist in getting a good night's rest.

Energizing Breaks. Any change-of-pace activity-taking a walk, visiting a friend, getting involved in exercise or stretching, having a healthful snack--can help to overcome the mid-morning or afternoon doldrums. Try to resist coffee or junk food breaks.

MENTAL APPROACHES

Since much of the stress we experience is self-induced, we can turn some of this around through specific mental approaches. Several ideas are included here.

Attitude Toward Life. Attitudes that seem helpful include the following: "stress is a normal part of life--not something to be avoided," "every crisis involves danger and opportunity," "I'm likely to succeed at most things I try," and "if I do fail at something, I still won't view myself as a failure."

Calculated Risks. People who continue to change, to grow, and to take on new challenges are less likely to experience major crises in their lives. The philosophy, "he (she) who is not busy being born is busy dying," can be a useful one.

Realistic Expectations. While we need to change and to develop, we also need to set realistic expectations. We need to look at the "shoulds," "musts," and "have tos" in our lives and constantly ask the question, "Is this a realistic expectation?" Unrealistic expectations merely help to set us up for failure and disappointment.

Thought Stopping. When a stressful event occurs, we often "catastrophize" about it or put ourselves down. It is this negative "self-talk" that is largely responsible for our fear, our anxiety, or our anger. Recognizing the negative self-talk and mentally using the word "Stop!" can help to turn this around.

Positive Self-Talk, Used in conjunction with thought-stopping, positive self-talk can help us to confront stressful situations. Positive self-talk is any phrase that affirms our skills and empowers us to deal with the situation. For example, "If I take it one step at a time, I can handle this crisis."

Time Management. Time is one of the most precious commodities we have. And it's one over which we have considerable control. It means saying no to some things and yes to others. It means making a list of things we want to accomplish and checking them off as we do them. Another strategy is to continually ask "What is the best possible use of my time right now?"

SOCIAL APPROACHES

When we are undergoing stress there is a natural tendency to withdraw from others or to lash out at them. Neither of these responses is very helpful. Thus, it's important that social strategies also be considered.

Effective Communication. One of the things most missing in human relationships is feedback. This is true in families, in friendships, and in work relationships. Each of us needs feedback on how we're doing and each of us needs to provide feedback to others. In addition, we need to find ways of expressing our needs to others and also to hear the needs being expressed by others.

Conflict Resolution. Most major conflicts start out as minor disagreements but then escalate because they aren't addressed early on. Learning to deal with anger is key, and the old advice passed down through the generations is useful: count to 10 (or 50 or 200!) and then report your anger to the other person. This allows the other person to respond to your anger without becoming angry or defensive.

Support Network. People who have a strong support network live longer, happier, and healthier lives than those who don't. Supportive people accept us as we are, nurture us, and sometimes challenge us to do the things we most need to do. We need to take 2time to develop and nurture friendships, to be a friend as well as to lean on a friend in times of crisis.

Helping Others. Citizens and professionals in the health and human services field have learned a major lesson in the last few years: that it is therapeutic to help other people. By reaching out and helping others we empower ourselves as well as the people who are being helped. Self-help groups understand this basic principle and have blossomed and expanded as a result.

HOLISTIC APPROACHES

Certain approaches are holistic in the sense that they cut across the physical, mental, and social dimensions of our lives. Here are four of the more important ones.

Relaxation and Centering. Regular use of relaxation and centering can lower blood pressure, heart, and respiration rates, and simultaneously reduce muscle tension. Only four things are needed for relaxation to occur: (1) a quiet environment, (2) a comfortable position, (3) a passive attitude, and (4) a mental device (a relaxing word repeated over and over or visualizing a scene that one finds to be peaceful and relaxing).

Humor and Play. One of the first things we lose when we're under stress is our sense of humor. Humor and play are not only important for maintaining our perspective on life. Recent research has pointed out that they can be helpful in the healing process and in preventing serious illness in the first place.

Life Planning. Each of us needs to dream dreams and set goals for the future. It's this ownership in our futures that adds meaning and purpose to life. These dreams and goals also serve as a critical ingredient for eustress. The other ingredient, of course, is acting on these dreams and goals on a day-to-day basis so they can become a reality.

Spirituality. While spirituality can take a number of different forms, it usually involves a recognition that we live in a world where people are interconnected with each other, where there is an interdependence between us and our physical environment, and where there is an interrelationship with a higher being. Spirituality can be a key to dealing with some of the more troublesome questions in life.

Finally, a caution may be in order. Don't dive in and try doing all these things at once-that might be the most stressful thing you could do! Most of us have, over a period of years, developed a number of habits that make us vulnerable to stress. Any changes should be gradual--slowly integrating these changes into a lifestyle that is more resistant to stress. Developing a personal contract with specific actions and target dates can be a useful way of getting started.

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