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Weekly Updates"There ya' go," said the waitress as she handed me my change, slammed shut the cash register and twirled on her heels, leaving me alone.
What ever happened to a simple "thank you," I wondered--or a "please," such as in "Please come again."? Ah, yes, there it was on the back of my bill, now impaled on a spindle by the bill. That hardly seemed to qualify, I sighed.
I left the coffee shop, and my mind fell back to my childhood. Nothing short of a full-fledged please and thank you would have passed muster with my mother. Those were the days when parents regularly responded with, "What do you say?" when their offspring failed to "mind their manners."
Little did I then understand that, besides the social graces, I was receiving the start of business basics. People pay for polite, from hometown customer service to international trade. And not knowing what's customary or lacking in courtesy costs.
PRESENTATION PAYS
Earl Statler is president of Statler Media Group, a print and electronic media consortium. From conducting million dollar press launches for companies such as Hewlett Packard, Beckman and Hitachi, to staging Nixon's second inaugural gala at the Kennedy Center, to 25 years as a protocol and etiquette trainer, Statler understands impression-making.
Agreeing with a U.S. News & World Report study seeing incivility as a problem--which 78 percent of respondents perceived as worse in the last 10 years, Statler says we're lacking in even the basics. "If I see another moron eating a meal while wearing his baseball cap--forward or backward--I'll scream," he says.
If a decline in manners is a contemporary phenomenon, manners themselves certainly aren't. Statler says 2,500-year-old writings in the Egyptian pyramids warn that when sitting with your superiors, laugh when they laugh. Not bad advice when you answer to pharaohs or company presidents. He adds that our current etiquette evolved from the courts of England and France and was brought to this country by Benjamin Franklin, when, as ambassador, he returned from Europe.
If you think today is different, and there is no need for formal manners, then forget about breaking bread with the big boys and girls. Statler has dined at the White House and knows. International corporations employ protocol officers, such as Statler, to train their executives to be at ease in any social situation. Not sure which little things mean a lot? Statler says, "Follow the lead of the host." In fact, always wait for the host, or guest of honor, to take the lead.
DINING FOR DOLLARS
Additionally, Statler offers advice such as:
* Leave your soup spoon on your plate after you finish. Once picked up, no silverware should again touch the table. Your knife sits directly on your plate. It doesn't lean.
* When you first sit down, after your host has opened his napkin, place your napkin on your lap. Open it with the fold toward you.
* Should you need to leave the table in the middle of the meal, place the napkin on your chair so the waitperson knows you'll be returning. Don't mention that you have to use the restroom. Simply excuse yourself.
* After finishing your meal, place the napkin to the left of your plate, but not until your host has done so with his, signaling the meal is over.
* And never butter the whole piece of bread at one time. Instead, put the bread and butter on your bread plate, break off the piece of bread that's going in your mouth, and butter it only.
The No. 1 faux pas? Gayle M. Anderson, vice president of Protocol & Diplomacy International, Protocol Officers Association, says sadly, it's how you sup your soup. She sees business people, politicians and even diplomats scooping toward themselves, and warns that's how cherry-tomato red, or pea-green polka dots, end up on ties and white blouses. Instead, spoon away from yourself and touch the spoon to the far side of the bowl to eliminate drips before bringing to your mouth. Soup too hot? Don't blow. Instead, select from near the rim, where it's cooler. And sitting straight, leaning slightly inward, with arms and elbows off the table, is correct and also helps prevent messes.
MEETING FOR MONEY
On introductions, Statler explains that in the social arena, men are introduced to women. In business, the person of lesser importance, regardless of gender, is introduced to the person of greater importance, regardless of gender. Always remember the name of the person being introduced is mentioned last, the person to whom the introduction is made is mentioned first.
Statler demonstrates, "Mr. or Ms. Greater Authority, I'd like to introduce Mr. or Ms. Lesser Authority." But Statler reminds that the client holds the highest position. "The client is more important than anyone in your organization, irrespective of title," he says.
"Social etiquette decrees that the woman extends her hand first," says Statler. "In business, it doesn't matter who extends theirs first, but the one who does takes control of the situation--'takes matters in hand.'" When shaking hands, keep your thumb up, touch "webs" then wrap your hand around the other person's.
When shaking hands, notice the other's name tag. The tag's proper placement is high on the right shoulder, so that your eye follows the line of your arm to the other person's right side, where it's easy to read.
COURTESY CALLS
Dorothea Johnson is founder and director of The Protocol School of Washington, the leader in etiquette and protocol services. More than 50,000 people, from diplomats to CEO's, have taken her seminars. She's been featured from Forbes.com, to Time Magazine and The Christian Science Monitor.
Johnson admonishes on one of today's most modern of missed-manners--use of the cell phone. From boardrooms to theaters and funeral homes, listeners have been disturbed by obtrusive personal calls. Many restaurants are responding with telephone symbols with an X through them posted on the door. Some ask you to check phones as you would a coat or hat. Canadian legislators have even considered allowing public facilities to install devices to jam cell phone signals.
Listen up, and listen in no more. Johnson advises simply putting cell phones in vibrating mode if someone must reach you in public. When you do take such a call, move to a location such as a lobby or outdoors.
Allowing a call to interrupt communication is rude, implying the caller is more important than your current conversation. So at a minimum, diplomatically tell the person with whom you're meeting that you are expecting a call. Keep the dialogue short. Speak softly. Be mindful that you're making a private conversation public, so be careful of divulging confidential information or embarrassing those nearby.
Remember, you're spending another's dime when you call their cell, so Johnson suggests keeping conversations brief, unless the receiver indicates they wish to continue speaking. Plus, because you're intruding on time spent outside the office, ask if it's a good time for them to take your call.
COURTESY COMMUNICATES
"Protocol is really the art of creating a distraction-free environment," says Robin Plante, a graduate of Johnson's Corporate Etiquette & International Protocol Consultant Training, and currently Protocol Liaison to the Commander, Alaskan Command, at Elmendorf Air Force Base, Anchorage. "There's always an objective to any meeting, whether it's creating relationships or a specific business goal." Ringing cell phones, clanking silverware, or talking with a full mouth, all create distractions from your purpose.
Plante recommends practicing etiquette and protocol even when not on business. That way, it's habitual and second nature when it is required. "When you have the confidence that you can conduct yourself appropriately, you can turn your full focus on successful communication," she says.
Protocol consultants contend much of etiquette is no more than common sense. But in today's environment, where the commonest courtesy can be pretty uncommon, and polite appears passe, even admonishments such as those from my mother, to remember my "please's and thank you's," can be pretty rare. "They don't cost you a cent," she used to say.
But in business, lack of them will.
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