Building relationships and reaching your potential: the opposite of networking is not working. In other words, if you are not ma

Networking is one of the most overused and misunderstood words in common vocabulary today When you hear the word networking what comes to mind?

* Getting something from someone else

* Using others

* Coercion

* Manipulation

OR

* Enrichment

* Empowerment

* The chance to learn something new

* An opportunity to meet interesting people

* The best method to achieve a professional or personal goal

Networking is the process of developing and maintaining quality relationships that enrich your life and empower you to achieve your goals.

Almost everybody with whom you come into contact either is or knows someone from whom you can learn something that could benefit you. But connections happen only when you work on establishing and maintaining relationships.

You can meet people and network anyplace, anytime. Networking is a "nonstop" process; it is just living your life, connecting with people, and making things happen. Many people give up on networking because they think it is only about handing out business cards and asking for referrals. Building the relationships you need to reach your potential is easier than you think. Look at it as a simple five-step process.

1. Meet people. Welcome opportunities to meet new people, and re-connect with those you already know.

2. Listen and learn. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. When you listen, you will learn who they are, what is important to them, how you can help them, and how they can help you.

3. Make connections. Help people connect with others you know who can help them.

4. Follow up. If you promise to do something, keep your promise, and do it in a timely manner.

5. Stay in touch. After an initial period of contact, if a result does not materialize, most people will just move on. Here is where a networking system really "works" for successful networkers. Successful networkers find ways to stay in touch and continue to build relationships. Why? Because their goal is to build a network of long-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships, not just to get an immediate "result."

DO YOUR RESEARCH

Before you attend a meeting, research who is organizing it. Research the speakers, the topics, and the issues relevant to the meeting. The Internet can help you with some of your investigation. Much of the information you learn will lead to opportunities for you to start a conversation with others at the meeting. Be prepared with "get to know you" questions to ask individuals beyond information about the organization or event. These can be questions related to the work they do or to family, travel, hobbies, or favorite books or movies.

SET A GOAL FOR EVERY EVENT YOU ATTEND

Set a goal before you leave the office to meet two new people. This does not mean you cannot meet more than two. However, your goal is to meet just two new people with whom you will engage in conversation, ask some open-ended questions, and exchange pleasantries. If there is a reason to meet again, send a note, e-mail, or call to set up a follow-up meeting over breakfast or lunch. In any event, send a short "thank you for your time and conversation" to the two people even if there is no future meeting. This is just common courtesy and will serve you well as a respected leader.

The key is to set a goal to make a set number of quality connections at every meeting, gathering, or event you attend. Sometimes it is perfectly fine to seek out people you already know at an event. While meeting and connecting with new people is an important part of networking, staying in touch and nurturing relationships with those you already know is also effective networking. And be sure to follow up.

EIGHT ESSENTIAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

The best communicators know how to:

1. Smile. A smile is the first step in building rapport.

2. Look the person in the eye. Making good eye contact shows respect and interest. Eye contact is one of the strongest communication skills you can develop

3. Listen with care. One of the greatest compliments you can give another person is to let him or her know you are listening to everything sail. The hidden work in LISTEN is SILENT. That is what our internal voice must be to get the full impact of what others are saying. Remember that when you are networking with someone new, it is like reading the paper. Let the person tell you the story so you can discover the "news you can use: More people have literally talked themselves out of the result they want by talking instead of sitting back and actively listening. It takes real concentration to listen.

4. Remember names. There are various ways of sharpen your name remembering skills such as forming an impression of the person's appearance; repeating the person's name several times in conversation, or making up a visual story about the person's name.

5. Be aware of body language. Body language makes up 55 percent of our perception of others. Make sure your body language communicates what you truly want to say.

6. Be respectful of other's boundaries. The invisible boundaries around us define our personal space and vary from culture to culture.

7. Look for common ground. Ask open-ended questions and then listen to what other have to say. Once you establish your common interests, the conversation will flow.

8. Give genuine compliments. As a general rule, most of us do not give out compliments as often as they might be deserved. Make a goal of finding at least one positive trait or characteristic in each person you meet that you can compliment.

FOLLOW-UP: THE KEY TO KEEPING YOUR NETWORK ALIVE AND GROWING

You can be the master of working a room and leave an event with a pocket full of business cards, but if you do not follow up, you will never be successful at networking.

1. Contact. Within 24 hours after meeting someone, send a note, e-mail, or phone to thank them for their time and consideration, suggest meeting again and thank them for the useful information.

2. Follow through. If you promised to send materials, phone to set up a meeting, or pass on a referral, keep your word and do it within the time promised or sooner.

3. Reconfrim. Call within two weeks after having made a suggestion to get together and confirm your get together 24 hours in advance.

4.Thank yous. If a contact gives you a referral, be sure to thank them and let them know the results.

Following up not only shows good communications skills, but also builds solid relationships for the future and shows respect for others.

BECOME A RESOURCE FOR OTHERS

Share your skills and experience happy in the knowledge that you are helping friends and colleagues. Others appreciate and seek out knowledgeable people who give generously of their expertise. And when you have been a resource to others, people are more than willing to help you when you ask.

Networking is a life-long process. Every contact you meet is the chance to learn something new. These contacts enrich your life and lead you to relationships that help you achieve your goals.

ANDREA R. NIERENBERG is an expert in networking and author of several books, including Nonstop Networking: How to Improve Your Life, Luck and Career, from which this article is excerpted. She has a degree in business and psychology from Washington University in St. Louis. She can be reached at 212/980-0930 or info@my businessrelationships.com.

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