All patched up.

I'm all patched up. I've got a patch on my sole, one under my arm, and one ,on my derriere. I'm "detoxifying," apparently, just like thousands of Japanese and a growing number of North Americans. The patches, made by numerous companies (mostly in Japan), resemble large Bandaids[R]. They claim to draw "toxins" out of the body. No reference is made to which toxins are removed, but there is no shortage of claims about the results. Headaches, high blood pressure, kidney problems, arthritis, hair loss, fatigue, diabetes, and heart disease are all supposedly relieved.

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These detox patches appear to be truly amazing devices. They propose to draw poisons out of the body while infusing various healing agents into the body. What sort of agents? Like those found in the Japanese Loquat leaf, which we are told contains various vitamins including "vitamin B17." Actually, there is no vitamin called B17, but the term is commonly used to describe cancer "cure" also known as "laetrile." The patch also contains vitamin C, which according to the label reduces cholesterol, blood pressure, and the risk of blood clot formation. No evidence for these claims exists, and even if it did, there would be better ways of introducing vitamin C into the body than through the sole of the foot.

There are other gems in the formulation. Literally. There is powdered tourmaline that "exerts a cleansing and liberating energy upon our entire nervous system, promoting a clearing and stabilizing effect." We are told that tourmaline is "one of the only minerals to emit far infrared heat and negative ions." Then there is amethyst, a "stone of psychic power" that "promotes tranquility and helps embrace your own intuitive wisdom." Doesn't seem to promote too much wisdom among the people who endorse this gobbledygook.

Detoxification is attributed to the main ingredient--something called "wood vinegar." This reddish brown liquid is obtained by heating wood and condensing the vapours that form. It is a complex mixture of oils, tar, methanol, acetone, and acetic acid. Volatile components can be driven off by drying the vinegar. The residual grey powder is the "essence" of the detoxifying patch. This is the stuff that appears to magically draw toxins out of the body. And those unnamed toxins really do appear! At least in the pictures that accompany the product. The patch is originally white and becomes brown and sticky after being worn for a few hours. According to the literature provided, the brown sludge is formed by the poisons removed from the body. Nonsense! The stickiness is due to moisture combining with dextrin, a starch filler used in the patch. Remember mixing flour and water to make glue? That's just what is happening here. The colour appears when sweat reconstitutes the wood vinegar.

So if foot patches are just poppycock, why do so many people feel relieved after the "toxins have been removed?" Perhaps it's the same reason that people felt better after flocking to the elegant chambers of John St. John Long on Harley Street, London, in the early 19th century. They gathered to be treated with a liniment made of turpentine, acetic acid, and egg yolk--much like the foot patch ingredients. St. John Long had no medical training whatsoever, yet had supporters who were convinced that he had cured them of various ailments. The term "placebo" may have only been coined in 1920, but the effect has an extensive history. The ancient Egyptians, for example, alleviated abdominal pains by rubbing the belly with saffron powder and beer.

St. John Long could have had a long and fruitful career cashing in on the placebo effect, had he stuck to his ointments. But some cases required more dramatic intervention. Internal disease, he proposed, could be treated by creating an external wound that would produce a discharge to carry off the malady. This is the philosophy he applied to Mrs. Cashin who worried that her elder daughter would be afflicted by tuberculosis, a disease that had already claimed her younger daughter.

The quack incised the young lady's back to allow any incipient disease to escape. When a discharge (probably due to infection) was seen, St. John Long expressed elation. His elation did not last long as poor Miss Cashin soon expired. A coroner's inquest was summoned and a number of witnesses spoke of the virtues of the accused's lotion for curing various complaints. Nevertheless, the jury found St. John Long guilty of manslaughter. Incredibly, he was released after paying a fine that he paid with a wad of bills from his pocket.

St. John Long was back in court within a month, this time accused of precipitating the death of the wife of a Royal Navy officer. St. John Long was tried at the Old Bailey, but the jury found the evidence against him inconclusive. When he was found innocent, a great roar rose up from his supporters in the courtroom who declared that his treatments had been vindicated. Three years later, Long contracted tuberculosis and failed to cure himself of the disease. His former patients collected funds for a memorial monument paying tribute to his talents.

So I suspect my saying that the detox patches amount to claptrap will not shake any devotees. But at least the patches are not dangerous claptrap. I've had no adverse effects from my little experiment. And for those of you interested in the technical details, it seems that armpits and soles are more toxic than bottoms.

Popular science writer, Joe Schwartz, MCIC, is the director of McGill University's Office for Science and Society. He hosts the Dr. Joe Show on Montreal's radio station CJAD and Toronto's CFRB. The broadcast is available on the Web at www.CJAD.com. You can contact him at joe.schwarcz@mcgill.ca.