Fine Dining Falls Short.

Women's place in society has changed. Women's place in the workplace has changed as well. But as customers of upscale bars and restaurants, they still signal lower covers and smaller tips and all too often get third-rate seats and second-rate service. This long-standing fact of life doesn't sit well with today's independent women who are losing their tolerance of second-class treatment from first class hotels and restaurants. Their turn-off is creating new opportunities for casual and ethnic restaurants and for fine dining at home.

The complaints we've been hearing led us to ask two cross sections of women two questions:

1. What happens when you send food back?

2. Compared with men, how are you being treated in fine dining establishments?

Their answers suggest that fine restaurants have lost luster with ladies who are:

* Tired of being treated as second class patrons, especially by wait-staff

* Tired of being rushed by wait-staff and managers who are seeking to increase their turns

* Tired of fussy pretensions and super-premium prices for less than super food

The first women we talked with were members of Les Dames d'Escoffier - gourmets and fine dining aficionados who are affiliated with the food industry as chefs, restaurant operators, brokers, writers, historians or even researchers. Some of the "Dames" felt that restaurateurs pay less attention to food returned to the kitchen by women because so many women patrons savor food rather than really eat it. Many felt that fine food had become phony or overly fussy and pretentious. And most felt that portions were "disgustingly oversized," a perception the shoppers on our panel did not support:

* The inner-bullshit detection of women is what's leading them away from the frou-frou impress-your-friends experience.

* I want CLEAN food. Organic food. Cooked in a way that satisfies my soul.

* I'm tired of over-fussed and under-whelming food. I look forward more to the little family run Japanese or Vietnamese restaurant, or the hole in the wall Italian that tastes like my mother in law's.

* Today's booming steak houses are prime examples of upscale restaurants targeting male big spenders. They have little use for female patrons except as trophies.

* Many of the women I know socially send back food on a whim, and do not drink wine. The men are usually afraid to send back food, and eat it anyway. Most restaurants serve too much food, and pile on the glop these days too.

* Many women send back food rather than criticize it. And in my experience, restaurants don't treat women customers' implicit criticisms as seriously as men 's.

* Women have many reasons for not making a fuss about disappointing food. One, of course, is that such complaints are viewed as a negative (too fussy) in women.

The shoppers on our panel fully agreed with the "Dames" in opposing a fat tax and feeling that men get better service.

Opposition to the quantities of food served was the main point of shopper departure from the "Dames" perception, a departure which helps explain why so many are struggling with long term effects of large portions and supersizing.

* The more expensive the restaurant, the more apt servers are to address the men in the party and hand the check to them.

* Fine restaurants are beginning to cost too much.

* Recently we use fast foods rather than go to a restaurant. They're way too expensive for the amount and taste of food that you get. The service nowadays is gone. The respect for customers is no longer in use. As an ex-waitress, I cannot believe how rude they are to customers, rush them in and out and have seen them follow a customer to remark on their tip! Unheard of years ago. What happened to respect? Fast foods nowadays are a better value, no waitress to worry (or tip) and can get plenty of food for the price.

* I recently dined with my two sisters at a restaurant, which was voted "best in state" in "Connecticut" magazine. My sister had a steak for $26.95. No potato included, a la carte. The steak was gristly and over cooked, and when the waitress asked how it was, she told her, but no comment was made. The other tables received nice, hot bread, but we did not. Halfway through the meal we asked whether our meal came with bread. The waitress nonchalantly said, "Oh, didn't you get bread?" A boy delivered a loaf with no comment. Our meals were mediocre at best, and over priced. We paid over $100 for the three meals, not including tip or drinks, and left very dissatisfied. I feel that restaurants no longer feel that the customer is right and couldn't care less about our satisfaction.

* I just had a birthday dinner with two women friends at a fancy restaurant where dinner is fixed price at almost $100 plus wine and plus tip. We ordered two bottles of pretty expensive wine. The restaurant was crowded but we were angry about how much less attention we got than the men or the couples. The waiter never poured any of our expensive wine. We did it all our selves. And we certainly won't go back.

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