The Family Can Help After Job Loss.(Brief Article)

You have read about it; you may be experiencing it. Companies are laying off people in increasing numbers. It's scary being let go. So how do you handle it?

While the biggest problem of losing your job may well be the psychological aspect of dealing with the loss, worries about finances will soon supersede the initial emotional reaction.

Many people feel guilt after being laid off, and as a result they find it difficult to tell their spouse and children. But this is exactly what needs to be done as soon as possible. In order to get through such a difficult time, the entire family needs to accept what happened and work together.

People who lose a job are usually haunted by guilt that they did something to cause the situation. Let go of the guilt so you can direct your energy toward dealing with the state of being unemployed. This is where you need your family more than ever.

Discuss with your spouse what happened. Before you can or should make a decision about your next career move, go over family finances to determine how much money you will need to get through the process of finding a job. Examine fixed costs in detail. Figure out the time frame you think is realistic to get your financial house in order. Only then is it time to tell the children.

With children six years old and up, you need to tell them what happened and reassure them that everything is going to be all right. They probably will have questions about their own immediate needs such as allowance or college tuition. They need to be involved in the realistic appraisal of the situation and discuss how they can contribute in cutting costs. Bring the children into the process of preparing a budget so that the entire family shoulders responsibility and contributes to a positive experience. If the children feel you are being untruthful and are hiding the reality of the situation, they will feel anxious and uncertain. This will only make a tough situation worse. Truthfulness and honesty are best.

Allowances should be discussed. Should they be reduced or stopped altogether? If the children need or want to get a part-time job, encourage them to take on this responsibility If birthdays or anniversaries usually call for big ticket gifts, discuss the need to limit spending; redefine the types of gifts that are affordable. By including everyone in the belt tightening, you will teach your children to be giving. This is an experience in bonding a family together and learning to help each other in times of need. If managed well, this situation is something children will remember positively when they grow up and become parents.

You can use this occasion to spend more time with your children, which is good for you as a parent and as a way to get your mind off the job hunt occasionally

Under no circumstances should you think about giving up health insurance. If the cost is so high that making insurance payments will be a burden, determine what other expenses can be cut instead. But health coverage stays.

This is also a wonderful time for you and your spouse to step back and redefine values and goals -- both professional and personal. It's a time to reassess your way of life -- where you live, the kind of work you want to do, and the kind of life you want to lead. In other words, a crisis like this can be turned into an opportunity for reflection.

The most important aspect of all this is for you not to feel that you alone need to shoulder the burden of change that will come about as the result of losing your job. Do not feel guilty about spreading responsibility throughout the family This time can actually bring a family closer.

Eileen Berman, Ed.D., is the author of two books, Building Productivity: 18 Blueprints for Success (Authority Press, 1999), and Dealing Effectively With Job Loss: A Unique Approach To Rebuilding Your Life (Engineering & Management Press, 1998). She welcomes comments and suggestions about her columns. E-mail eileen22@juno.com.

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