Close Encounters

Drawing Healthy Boundaries

In some cultures, the extended family unit is the norm, and the idea of individual privacy would be laughed at, says Paul. "But that's not so in the majority of family businesses in the United States," he says.

For the most part, relatives who work in a family business need to live personal lives on their own turf. Michael Schuster would agree, although he was still shocked initially when his daughter Catherine and her husband, Blair Kolkoski, announced they were moving to Kansas City, Missouri. Catherine and Blair had been working for the Scottsdale, Arizona, company Schuster founded in 1978, The Center for Professional Development, a business school dedicated to helping dentists with the development of their practices. "Now I've come to realize it was a healthy thing . . . and right for them," Schuster says. Blair and Catherine are still working for the company (as are Catherine's three sisters and one brother-in-law)--he as a recruiter and she in marketing support. But the Kolkoskis are doing it in the privacy of their own state.

Staying connected with the family while still being separate need not be as dramatic as the Kolkoski example--as long as family members are conscious of the boundaries between the family business and their personal lives. Dashew suggests some appropriate personal boundaries to draw:

  • Keep private information private. Decide what information about you and your immediate family to keep private and what information the rest of the family can or should know. Many people feel their religious beliefs and participation, their sex lives, and how they raise their children, for example, are subjects that are not open to family discussion or debate. Says Laura Fullerton, one of the Schuster daughters who works in the family business: "Even though I'm very close to my parents and sisters, when I got married, my loyalties changed a bit. Now I share my innermost thoughts with my spouse, not my family."
  • Develop relationships outside the family. When families are too close, they push others out. People need to have their own personal relationships that the rest of the family isn't a part of. "Otherwise, family members look to each other to satisfy all their needs," says Dashew, "and that doesn't work."
  • Make your own decisions about what you will do with your resources. "We define our values by the use of our resources," says Dashew. So while a person may talk about what he or she does with money, time and energy, decisions about these resources should be made only by that individual.

The balance between getting too involved and being too separate is a challenge when you work in a family business. "It's easy to drift into [too much] togetherness when you like and respect each other and spend so much time together," says Paul. To ensure that doesn't happen, family members need to "get a life"--private and social--outside the family.

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Contact Sources

Aspen Family Business Group, familyfirm@aol.com,, http://www.aspenfamilybusiness.com

The Center for Professional Development, (800) 288-9393, http://www.c-p-d-inc.com

Leslie Dashew, c/o The Human Side of Enterprise, 210 Interstate North Pkwy., #700, Atlanta, GA 30339, (404) 252-7113.

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This article was originally published in the July 1998 print edition of Entrepreneur with the headline: Close Encounters.

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