Become A Business Diplomat Use these 8 tactful strategies to diffuse difficult people or situations.

Use these 8 tactful strageties to diffuse difficult people orsituations.

Some people you meet in business are a pain in the neck. Likethe unyielding client who demands that his project be completedovernight, but lets your bill go unpaid for 90 days. Or the vendorwho promises immediate door-to-door delivery and shows up threedays later. Or your star salesperson who's terrific withcustomers--when she's not fighting with her boyfriend.

Should you lash out with an angry retort? Refuse futurebusiness? Fire your employee? Find another line of work? Hardly.Being in business means dealing with all types of people, includingdifficult personalities that sometimes make us wish we'd neveropened for business. As Dr. Rick Kirschner, an Ashland, Oregon,business consultant and the co-author of Dealing with People YouCan't Stand (see sidebar below for orderinginformation), sees it, difficult people are hard to avoid."They're everywhere, because they are us," he says."With the changing environment in which we're working andtrying to raise our families, stress enters the picture and, as aresult, people act badly. It's inevitable, it's part ofhuman nature."

While you can't totally eliminate crabby, demanding anduncompromising people from your life, you can learn to deal withthem and enjoy more harmonious and productive workingrelationships. "There's almost always a tactic that willwork," Kirschner points out. Here are eight tactics you canuse to remain cool and in control when dealing with difficultpeople:

1. Don't take it personally. Ever have a client flyoff the handle at you for something that wasn't your fault?Ever have a receptionist treat you rudely when you called for anappointment to meet with his boss? More than likely, the person isangry at the situation, not you.

"Don't take it personally," Kirschner suggests."Sometimes people have other things on their minds besidesyou. Most difficult behavior is a response to stress or some kindof perceived threat. Understand what really makes that person feelthreatened, so you're in a position to deal with theirbehavior." When you clearly understand you're not thecause, you can work from a position of strength and resolve thesituation.

Kirschner tells the story of Max, an elderly man whosupplemented his retirement income working part-time in a diner.One day, Kirschner watched a teenage customer verbally thrash Maxfor what he perceived was slow service. Max looked at the boy andsaid, "Thank you, young man, for being honest with me abouthow you feel." Stunned by the response he'd received, theteenager paid his bill and quietly left the diner. Max didn'ttake the situation personally. As he told Kirschner, "I toldmyself that the man was doing the best he could with the limitedresources he had on board."

2. Get in step. One way to let someone know you'renot combative is to mirror his mannerisms. If someone is speakingin short, clipped sentences, talk to the individual in the samemanner. If someone explains a situation in great detail, respond byslowing down and spelling everything out in a logical, sequentialmanner. "It's a way of blending with your customer andletting him know you want to communicate," Kirschner explains.Getting in step with your antagonist produces an importantpsychological message. "No one cooperates with anyone whoseems to be against them, so find ways of signaling to people thatyou are on their side. This way, you reduce the opportunity forconflict."

3. Practice active listening. Problems with customers aregenerally problems in communication. When a customer expresses acomplaint or concern, listen carefully. You might gain importantinformation on how to improve your business or offer even bettercustomer service.

You can sharpen your listening skills by practicing activelistening. "Nod as if you understand the individual and thenrepeat what the person has told you in his own words, like `Soit's the way we run this place that bothers you?' That way,your customer will know he's been heard," Kirschner says,"and you both can fill in the blanks about what is goingon."

4. Agree with the person. "You're right.""I understand your position." "I can see howupsetting a situation like that could be." Statements likethese, in which you acknowledge a person's point of viewwithout taking responsibility for the situation, are extremelypowerful. They can easily disarm an angry individual and put animmediate end to a potential confrontation. Who wants to continuefighting with a passive individual?

5. Remain positive. Christine Bierman, president andchief executive officer of Colt Safety Inc., anindustrial-safety-supply distributorship in St. Louis, diffusespotentially angry encounters by remaining positive. "I have apositive mental attitude all the time, no matter what. When aperson is mean and angry, I come back with a very positivestatement. Sometimes, I even stare them down," Biermanexplains. "I put myself on a more positive and spirituallevel, let people have their say, and then try to reason thingsout."

Bierman instructs her employees not to let an unpleasantencounter with a customer or vendor upset the work mood in theoffice. "It rarely happens," she says, "but if anemployee has a conversation with someone who turns out to bedifficult, I tell my employee, `Don't breathe that anger here.It breeds negativity and we can all get burned.' "

Kirschner offers another tip: Instead of reinforcingsomeone's poor self-image by telling the person,"That's the trouble with you, you're always sonegative," turn the situation around by saying, "Thisisn't like you. You're reasonable and as capable of talkingabout this as anyone I know." Explains Kirschner, "Mostpeople will jump at the chance to agree with a better concept ofthemselves."

6. State your limits. Problems develop when we think wecan't tell a person "no." If you have workrequirements you can't change or production standards youwon't bend, make this information known. For example, when avendor fails to deliver your products on time, tell him in clearand specific terms what your expectations are. Don't be afraidto let him know you might need to find a different vendor if hecan't meet your needs.

7. Humor them. If you want to quickly disarm a difficultperson, humor him. Tell a good joke or poke fun at yourself. Mostpeople would rather smile than frown--give them an opportunity todo so.

Sometimes, you can joke with a customer and also give himimportant information about what he perceives to be a problem orannoyance. It's not uncommon for Chris Norman, president of TheJoy of Cookies in Sacramento, California, to get comments fromcustomers about the price of his cookies. "People will tell methey could make chocolate chip cookies at home for less than what Icharge," says Norman. "I just humor them and tell them,`I hope you can.' Then I tell them how I use real butter in mycookies, and how my butter bill jumped 70 percent last summer. WhenI tell them I spend $2,500 a month for Nestle's chocolatechips, they're surprised, and I get a smile out ofthem."

8. Prepare effective comebacks. If you get anxious andweak-kneed when someone verbally attacks you, prepare a fewresponses. You can rehearse these lines beforehand so you'll beable to deliver them during the heat of an encounter. For example,you might say, "Time Out! I want to hear what you'resaying, but I must ask you to slow down a little." Or,"Let's talk about this situation. You go first. Iwon't interrupt. I'll see if I have any questions whenyou're done." Statements like these are non-threatening,and signal to an individual that you're interested in hearinghis point of view, no matter how difficult he is.

Sales & Marketing: Got Your Number?

Want a simple and inexpensive way to catch your customers'attention? Try a vanity phone number. A vanity phone number--whichspells out words or phrases--can be an eye-catching addition toyour marketing efforts.

DeWayne Adamson has a vanity phone number for his business. Thecompany, Call of the Wild, in Mundelein, Illinois, builds custommotorcycles. When it came time to choose a phone number, Adamsonwanted one that would readily identify his business and capture thefeeling motorcycle riders get on their bikes. The company'sphone number? (847) 970-WILD. Adamson uses the number in hismarketing materials and believes it helps customers remember hisbusiness. "It's hard to forget," he says.

How do you get a vanity number for your business? Before youcall your local phone company to set up your business service, playaround with several word ideas. Then, translate the letters of theword into various numeric combinations. One easy way to do this isto visit the free Bitfire Public Phone Number Mnemonic Service onthe Internet (http://www.bitfire.com/). Input aword, and you'll get a quick list of all numeric combinationsspelling out that word. Then, just call your local phone companyand ask if any of those combinations are available in your exchange(the first three numbers of a phone number). In most cases, therewill be no extra charge for selecting a number of your choice.

Getting a toll-free vanity number is trickier. Many 800 and 888vanity numbers have already been taken. Start with a call to atoll-free-number service provider, like AT&T's SmallBusiness Services (800-222-0400), and ask if the number you want isstill available. They'll verify availability in the nationaltoll-free-number database--a free service that takes about a week.If the number is still available, there will be no extra cost touse it in conjunction with your toll-free service. If the numberyou want has already been taken, you'll have to come up withanother choice. Try alternate spellings of the word you want. Forexample, Adamson might have used WYLD if WILD was no longeravailable.

Another way to get a vanity phone number is to contact a companythat leases toll-free vanity numbers. One such company is Dial800,L.P. (800-DIAL-800). According to company president Scott Richards,his company has external rights to a wide range of vanity numberssuitable for small businesses. Costs to use one of Dial800'snumbers start at about $99 per month. For most small companies, thebest bet is to investigate the free sources of vanity numbersfirst. --Carolyn Z. Lawrence

Legal Ease: Legal Help Online

Internet law sites cannot spring you from the pokey. They can,however, answer many legal questions quickly, easily and at nocost. If you are starting a business and need information on whichbusiness structure is best for you, help is only a few keystrokesaway. And, if you need a legal form, you can get it free online.The six sites reviewed here provide free legal expertise ofinterest to small-business owners. With any luck, they may help youavoid a day in court.

1. Nolo Press (http://www.nolo.com). For 26 years, NoloPress has been the leading publisher of legal self-helpinformation. If you want to handle routine legal matters yourself,this site will prove invaluable. Nolo Press provides many freearticles at their Web site, such as "Avoiding Legal ProblemsWhen You Run a Small Business." The site also sells books,tapes and software that are designed for the layman.

2. The 'Lectric Law Library (http://www.lectlaw.com/bus.html).A visit to this site is like walking into your own law library. Itsinformation runs the gamut--from getting business credit and goingto small claims court to sexual harassment guidelines.

3. Court TV Small Business Law Center (http://www.courttv.com/legalhelp/business/).Court TV's Web site offers a variety of small-business articlesand forms. One interesting feature is the free "LawyerCheck," which enables you to find out if your prospectivelawyer has had problems with your state's bar association.

4. The Legal Survival Newsletter (http://www.friran.com/newsletter.html).This law site offers free subscriptions to their newsletter, whichcontains well-written and succinct articles of interest toentrepreneurs. Also available are free pamphlets and downloadablelegal forms.

5. Legaldocs (http://www.legaldocs.com). You canfill in the blanks at this interactive site and immediately printyour final, ready-to-use legal forms. The interactive features atthis site are well-designed and easy to use.

6. FindLaw (http://www.findlaw.com). One of themost comprehensive legal resources on the Internet, FindLaw haslaw-journal abstracts, full text cases, government law information,law links--more law information than you will likely ever need.Fortunately, the subject index and internal search engine are easyto use, making this huge site simple to navigate. --CharlesKelly

Can You Manage?...Learning To Delegate

Are you working harder and not getting more done? Are you soconsumed with daily tasks that you have little time left forplanning? Do your employees defer all decisions to you? If so,maybe it's time you learned to delegate.

Dave Unowsky, owner of the Hungry Mind Bookstore in St. Paul,Minnesota, believes delegating is a "matter ofpracticality." It's the only way he could expand hisbusiness into a $3.5 million-a-year operation which requires astaff of 43. "There comes a point in the growth of your smallbusiness where you can't make all the decisions," he says."If you try to, it's a sure way to have a nervousbreakdown."

Unowsky, who admits to experiencing pangs of fear the first fewtimes he turned a key task over to an employee, says delegating canbenefit both parties. "Delegating frees you, the owner, to domore planning and to concentrate on the big picture of running yourbusiness. At the same time, it also gets your employees moreinvolved in their work. They'll like their jobs better, have aclearer understanding of your operations, and provide bettercustomer service," explains Unowsky, whose employees regularlyselect and purchase new stock and handle the store'sadvertising and accounting.

Want to take some of the load of running your business off yourshoulders? Here are five key steps you can take to start delegatingtoday:

1. Adjust your attitude. Probably the biggest hurdle isaccepting the notion that you can share the responsibility ofrunning your business with your employees. This means giving upsuch beliefs as "Only I can do it right," or"By the time I explain what I want done, I could have done itmyself." Giving up control isn't always easy, but it'sthe first step toward successfully delegating.

2. Identify tasks. Break the task you plan to delegateinto individual steps so you can clearly explain to an employeewhat you want done. Explain the value or goal of each task to youremployees so they can get a sense of how their work will contributeto the flow of the business.

3. Set limits. Clearly outline your expectations. When isthe project due? What level of quality do you require? Employeeswho know what's expected of them will perform their work moreefficiently and with a better sense of purpose.

4. Let them fly. Once you've explained what you wantdone, let your employees decide how they'll approach the task.An employee might not approach the task as you would--which can bea real plus. As Unowsky has learned, "Different is notnecessarily worse. It might be better."

5. Try bigger assignments. As you become more comfortablewith delegating, consider giving greater responsibilities to youremployees. Unowsky involves his employees in the hiring process.After he conducts initial interviews, two of his employees conductthe second interviews. The three then make a collaborative hiringdecision. Delegating tasks, says Unowsky, "is a great way toinvolve employees in your business--and to make your job a loteasier." --C.G.

For Your Information

Want to develop your skills or managing and coping withdifficult people? Consider these helpful resources:

• Dealing with People You Can't Stand, by RickKirschner and Rick Brinkman (McGraw-Hill, $12.95, 800-722-4726).Kirschner offers a variety of practical skills for handlingdifficult people.

• Handling the Difficult Employee, by Marty Brounstein(Crisp Publications Inc., $10.95, 800-442-7477). Brounsteinprovides a step-by-step primer on how to detect and resolveemployee-performance problems.

• Does Someone at Work Treat You Badly?, by Dr. LeonardFedler (Putnam Berkley Publishing Group, $5.50, 800-788-6262).Fedler tells you how to create emotional distance, prepareeffective responses, and familiarize yourself with other techniquesto deal with difficult people.

• Solving People-Problems on The Job, by Sam Deep and LyleSussman (Communication Briefings, $59, 800-888-2086). This15-minute video features effective coping advice from two topmanagement experts, including how to develop better listeningskills and how to model the behavior you desire.

• The Manager's Short Course: A Complete Course inLeadership Skills for The First-Time Manager, by Bill and CherHolton (John Wiley & Sons, $17.95, 800-225-5945). The bookfeatures a "Conflict Resolution Styles Questionnaire" toassess your personal style in handling difficult people andsituations.

Contact Sources

Call of the Wild, 325 W. Townline Rd., Mundelein, IL60060, (847) 970-WILD.

Colt Safety Inc., 8300 Manchester Rd., St. Louis, MO63144, (314) 961-4414.

Dial800, L.P., 9301 Wilshire Blvd., #206A, Beverly Hills,CA 90210, (800) DIAL-800.

Dr. Rick Kirschner, P.O. Box 896, Ashland, OR 97520,(541) 488-2992.

Hungry Mind Bookstore, 1648 Grand Ave., St. Paul, MN55105, hungrymi@winternet.com.

The Joy of Cookies, 1200 K St., #6, Hyatt Regency Plaza,Sacramento, CA 95814, (916) 447-1450.