Networking Is Not a Dirty Word Being a successful networker doesn't mean you have to be a slimebag. Here's how to schmooze with the best of them...without selling out.

Abdel-Rahim Mohammed woke up in a cramped metal box. He couldhear whispering. It was dark. According to the Associated Press,which reported this story last summer, all the 32-year-old Arabicteacher knew was that one moment, he was swimming at the beach inAlexandria, Egypt, got dizzy and blacked out.

What Mohammed didn't immediately realize was that he wasin a refrigerated morgue. But nearby was an attendant showing agrieving family a body. As the attendant tried to shut thecompartment, Mohammed's hand clamped down on the guy'swrist.

The attendant--and the family--ran out of the morgue,screaming, "Help us!"

Mohammed, numb from cold, pried himself out of hiscompartment, left the morgue and called his family, who had beentold he was dead.

It's clear what all of us are thinking: If this guy everwanted to start his own business, he'd be great atnetworking!

Oh. Was that, um, the last thing you were thinking? Well, maybeso, but it's worth noting that Mohammed is likely going to beremembered around parts of Egypt for the rest of his life. And inthe business world, where everybody's clamoring for attention,an entrepreneur with a tale like that to tell would have thespotlight for life: "Say, Phil, I wanted to discuss venturecapital possibilities. And, by the way, did I ever tell you aboutthe time I was declared dead and dropped off at themorgue?"

The rest of us mere mortals have to try a little harder to getnoticed and be remembered. We have to do some serious networking.The good news: It doesn't require a trip to the morgue. You canmeet potential clients anywhere, as Jay Bloom, 31, CEO of PetAssure, a pet-care savings program in Dover, New Jersey, found out.The guy who sold Bloom his house became one of Pet Assure'sbiggest investors. Entrepreneurs can network at baseball games,birthday parties, weddings, ski slopes, swimming pools, in airportsand while waiting in line. "I have something called the 3-footrule," says Deb Haggerty, founder of Positive Connections, anOrlando, Florida, consulting firm that delivers seminars onnetworking. "Anybody within 3 feet--the space it takes toshake hands--is a business contact."

Of course, the last thing you want is to be an overlyenthusiastic boob who shakes everybody's hands and thrustsbusiness cards into their grips. Which is why it should come as arelief to the introverted and extroverted alike that networkingdoesn't have to be a grueling process of sellingyourself-or, worse, pushing yourself on people.

Haggerty, like everybody interviewed for this story, suggestsyou worry more about what you can do for the other person than foryourself. The idea is to create your own personal network, notunlike NBC, ABC, AOL or Yahoo!. If you have numerous colleagues(think: affiliate stations or Internet members) who know and likeyou, eventually that's going to come back to you and translateinto dollars.

Ah, you're catching on: Pretend you don't care aboutmoney and, in the process, become filthy rich? Er, yes, that'sthe idea . . . and even if you do occasionallythrust your business card into somebody's hand with hardly ahow-do-you-do, you shouldn't feel guilty or awkward. As35-year-old Ben Feder, founder of MessageClick, anonline unified messaging and outsource faxing service in New YorkCity, says, "Chance meetings are often as beneficial to theother person as they are to you. Whether it's a board member ora financier or an employee, people are looking for opportunities.By presenting them with an opportunity, you're not crossing anymoral boundaries. Besides, they're always free to sayno."

Start Talking

Entrepreneurship is built on networking, contends Mary Donohue,35-year-old president of Ontario's chapter of LeTip, a North Americannetworking organization, and co-founder with Andy Hall, also 35, ofDonohue Brent Training & Consulting. "How did Henry Fordget his car to sell? He met people and told them about it,"Donohue asserts. "What did Rockefeller do? Exactly the samething. He met everybody, he did volunteer work, he gave away money.The Internet's great, advertising's essential, but themost essential thing is to get out of your chair, leave youroffice and meet people. Why do you think politicians go door todoor and kiss babies? It works."

So where do you go? What do you do? Won't mothers call theauthorities if you try to kiss their babies?

Questions, questions. Fortunately, the most obvious way tonetwork is something you already do: talk, really talk, tothe people you meet. Feder has successfully networked simply bykeeping his social calendar full. At a wedding, he began talking toa cousin of the bride; the guy became his Web site developer. At anengagement party, he met a guest who became his systemsadministrator. At a dinner party, he met a guest who became amember of his board of directors. "I'm an entrepreneur,and my business is always [on my] mind," says Feder."I'm always on the lookout for people who can relate to mybusiness. Entrepreneurs have to grab resources where they can, andsometimes answers are staring us in the face."

But you don't need to wait for opportunity to ring thedoorbell, either. You can create your own spontaneous meetings.That's what Wendy Wolfson has done since 1994. Thethen-34-year-old worked in the high-tech industry, surrounded by"200 male engineers. I'd forget I was a girl," shesays. So Wolfson began calling fellow females and inviting them outto eat, dubbing the events Diva Dinners.

"It's a way of building relationships," explainsWolfson, who now owns a Boston public relations firm, Wendy WolfsonCommunications, which specializes in high-tech companies. To herdinners, Wolfson invites women--many of whom she's nevermet--whose careers or personalities she feels will resonate withthe rest of the dinner guests. Then she sits back and observes."It's like performance art," Wolfson says. Andthis art pays off: "All my clients have come fromnetworking."

It doesn't matter if you're a woman, a man or somethingin between: You can start your own networking group and make it asspecific or vague as you want. "Just pick a restaurant whereyou can rely on the food and seating," advises Wolfson, addingthat the atmosphere should be conducive to conversation. Shegenerally invites 20 people; invariably, 10 show up. Undaunted,Wolfson says a lower turnout yields better interaction.

3,2,1 Contact

When you've met somebody you think might be good for yourbusiness, it's obviously important to smile, make eye contactand not have any serious body odor problems. But good networkinggoes beyond exchanging pleasantries. "You need to get peopleto ask for your business card--not the other wayaround," says Donohue.

Haggerty concurs. She suggests coming up with a clever way todescribe your business, so that rich stranger actually remembersyou weeks from now. For instance, if you own a bed and breakfastinn, do as one of Haggerty's friends does and say, "I putheads in beds." If your acquaintance doesn't bolt, he orshe will probably ask what you mean. When you explain, saidacquaintance is likely to remember you.

Once you've been asked for your business card, "try notto have the highest expectations," advises 32-year-oldChristine Bourron, CEO of New York City companyPaintingsDirect.com, which sells contemporary paintings online. Sheshould know: Bourron recalls once waiting and waiting for aninvestment to pan out after meeting a bigwig at an event. Weekslater, the lead had yielded nothing; in the meantime, shehadn't pursued any other options.

Networking Stands for Nice

Everybody is an option for networking, as evidenced in a storyDonohue insists really happened to a friend of hers:

One day, a bum came into a printer's shop--hair a mess,face unshaven and clothes mismatched. The printer was skepticalwhen the bum said, "I need business cards by tomorrow atnoon." The printer wasn't pleased to hear this; businesscards are hardly profitable, and the turnaround time was going tobe a nuisance. But the bum insisted he needed them.

"I hope he can pay the $35," the printer thought asthe bum left.

The next day, an impeccably groomed man in a crisp suitbreezed into the store. "I have to apologize," the mansaid. "Yesterday, my baby was sick, my wife and I were runningaround, and I must have looked like a bum. Anyway, thanks forprinting those business cards."

The printer, open-mouthed, said, "You'rewelcome." Two weeks later, the printer received a phone callfrom the same man. "I'd like to give you all myprinting," he said--$250,000 worth.

"That's not traditional networking," admitsDonohue. But the point is that anybody, no matter how unlikely,might be your next big-time investor or client. It'sBourron's point, too, ever since a chance meeting helped herrecruit artists to supply African miniature paintings. Whilevisiting the French embassy in Boston, she happened to strike up aconversation with the security guard. He turned out to be adown-on-his-luck journalist from the Congo. With an avid interestin art.

Meet Markets

Good places to network:

1. Attend trade shows, Chamber of Commerce meetings, the RotaryClub, the Lions club and a whole host of other nationalservice-oriented clubs. While your image of these groups might beold men who wear pocket protectors, many clubs are activelyrecruiting young entrepreneurs. Then there's the Jaycees(800-JAYCEES), whose members are 21 to 39 years old.

2. Volunteer, says Mary Donohue, who works with abused childrenand animals-and has built up a reputation among fellow volunteersfor being able to get things done right and quickly.

3. Join your college alumni organization's localchapter.

4. Get known around town as an expert. Teach a class at yourlocal community college. Spread the word you can offer seminars ontopics related to your business.

5. If you're married with children, get known in yourneighborhood by joining the PTA or coaching your child's soccerteam.

Bad places to network:

1. Prison. (Need we explain?)

2. Funerals. (Use your judgment.)

3. Taverns and pubs. (People who've been drinking tend toexaggerate--a lot.)

Work It

Rebecca Hart, owner of public relations firm Rebecca HartCommunications in Jacksonville, Florida, gives her clients anetworking tip sheet. Here are some excerpts:

• "When you attend events, know ahead of time what you hopeto accomplish. Then create goals for yourself. For example, youmight want to collect a certain number of new business leads, orintroduce yourself to a particular person. In addition, set goalsfor how much information you'd like to share."

• "Keep the candle burning. If you connect with someone andyou're interested in pursuing the relationship, exchangebusiness cards and take the initiative for the next step. Forexample, you could say, 'I'll send you that information wediscussed.' Then follow through promptly and move therelationship forward by setting up a next meeting."

• "Don't think networking is limited to an event whereyou wear name tags. Every day you're networking. Usetime-tested good business practices to build a good name foryourself: Be honest; underpromise and overdeliver; communicatefrequently and effectively; offer extra value; generate referralsand concentrate on building positive relationships. No amount ofnetworking will compensate for a poor reputation."

First Impressions

Dee Helfgott, who owns success coaching firm Dee Helfgott &Associates in Palm Desert, California, is also the author of twonetworking booklets, NetworkSmart: Turning Today'sContacts into Tomorrow's Opportunities ($6.95,self-published, 760-772-3335) and Listen Up! 80 Powerful Tipsand Techniques to Improve Your Listening Skills ($5.50). Here,she offers tips on how to network smarter.

Best Ways To Introduce Yourself:

• Be brief, not a bore.
• Be upbeat, smile and make eye contact.
• Dress and speak professionally; show people you know how tolisten.

Worst Ways To Introduce Yourself:

• Telling people more than they want to know about the details ofyour business, instead of discussing the ways they can benefit fromdoing business with you.
• Talking about yourself even after the listener's eyes glazeover.

Geoff Williams is afeatures writer and reporter for The Cincinnati Post. Heoften networks at classy social events, provided he can sneak pastsecurity.