What's The Big Deal? It should be the first thing out of your ad's mouth.
By Jerry Fisher
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Imagine trying to sell a Monet masterpiece by first touting theframe around the painting . . . or extolling a luxury car by firstpromoting its glove box. It sounds a little daft, but I'mexaggerating to make a point: Some companies still trumpet thesupporting advantages of their product before the big benefit.
That's what I point out to Patty and Ed Lonsbary ofGibsonia, Pennsylvania. The Lonsbarys run Private Motor Coach Inc.,a service that charters its custom-outfitted bus for luxury travel,both personal and corporate. While the slogan they currently use tohead their brochure-"Anywhere, Any time"-gets attentionand deserves play, it's not catchy enough to be the first thingprospects will notice.
My suggestion for the brochure's heading is, "TravelLike A Rock Star." This would be followed by a subhead thatexplains, "Tour in the unique luxury of a fully customizedmotor coach . . . any time, anywhere." After all, theLonsbarys are selling their bus as a kingly alternative to typicalfour-wheel travel. They've renovated the interior with couches,a bedroom, a bath, a shower, a kitchen and a lounge. The fact thatyou're able to travel in it "anywhere, any time" is aside benefit that most would consider a given anyway.
The unexpected headline will draw attention and at least getprospects to open the brochure. As with a store, if you can'tdraw them inside, they remain passersby and lost opportunities.
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Jerry Fisher is a freelance advertising copywriter in the SanFrancisco Bay area and author of Creating Successful SmallBusiness Advertising (available through Bookmasters,800-247-6553). If you'd like Jerry to consider your materialsfor a makeover in this column, write to him c/o Entrepreneur ore-mail him at jerry228@aol.com.
Contact Source
- Private Motor Coach Inc., (412) 486-6600, www.privatemotorcoach.com