Don't Let an Insecure Boss Stop You From Getting a Raise or Promoted. Here are 3 Tactics to Help You Survive This Tricky Situation. The more you understand your boss's insecurities, the more you can work with them — and build your own confidence along the way.
By Jason Feifer Edited by Mark Klekas
They may not recognize their own insecurities — but you surely do. Maybe they're quick to point fingers or are not open to feedback. Maybe they say they have an "open door policy," but nobody is rewarded for walking in that door.
This is unfair. You deserve a boss who sets you up for success and who knows how to put others ahead of themselves. Frankly, you might be better off finding a new job with a better boss.
But let's say you like the work, or you see valuable opportunities by sticking around for a while. Good news: Once you recognize your boss's insecurities, you can start to manage them — and there's still plenty of opportunity to thrive in your role.
To start, follow these three steps.
Step 1: Remember your strengths
When a boss is insecure, they become defensive. And when they're defensive, they often discourage team members from speaking up.
Do not let this destroy your confidence.
"People have the confidence to engage when they have the confidence in themselves," says Jon Taffer, host of the popular TV show Bar Rescue, who has been a hospitality consultant for decades. "That confidence comes from a perception of self-worth."
As a boss, Taffer wants to encourage that confidence. "I want every person who works for me to have a feeling of self-worth," he says.
But he knows — not every boss is up to that task. Which means employees must foster that confidence elsewhere.
Related: Why Embracing Your Unique Strengths and Talents Will Lead to Success
You need to remind yourself of your value and then put it to use. Seek out strong relationships with your colleagues, and look for opportunities to engage with other teams and managers. After all, you were hired because of your insights or expertise — so put that to use! And in doing so, you'll guard against your insecure boss draining your own sense of self-worth.
Step 2: Ask, Don't Tell
Defensive people do not like to be told things. But they do like to be asked things — because that reinforces their sense of purpose and authority.
Imagine you have a new idea for a project, for example. If you have an open-minded boss, you'd be able to simply voice your opinion: "I think we should do the project like this, because..."
But a defensive boss might already have an idea for the project. If they're feeling defensive, they might react poorly to you saying, "I think we should do it this way."
So, instead of saying what you think, frame your idea as a question about what they think.
You could say this: "I had an idea for how to do the project — I'd love to know what you think of it."
Related: Want to Do Better Work? Just Start Saying This One Word More.
By presenting your idea this way, you're reinforcing your boss's authority. You just had an idea, but you're not imposing that idea upon your boss. Instead, you're just bringing it to them for consideration.
3. Play to their ego
Your boss may be insecure — but that doesn't mean they're uncaring. They probably care about many things, including the work they do and their role in the company.
"Play to it," Taffer suggests. "Play to their ego."
In a way, Taffer says, this is no different than any challenging work interaction. People must act deliberately to get what they want, and that starts by seeing things from other people's perspectives.
"It's all about understanding who you're engaging with, how you want to go about it, where you want to do it, what are your objectives, and what are the best ways to get to your objectives," Taffer says.
Related: 5 Simple Ways to Be a Better Boss
If you're dealing with an insecure boss, start by acknowledging what they might care about the most — and that's their own impact on the company.
You could say something like this, Taffer says: "This company means very much to you, doesn't it? How proud are you of this company? And it's all because of you. You made this happen. This company is a cultural reflection of you. You should be so proud. I've got an idea to enhance this culture and make this brand even more meaningful to you…"
Again, it comes down to approach: The more you understand your boss's insecurities, the more you can work with them — and build your own confidence along the way.
