How to Handle Rejection Like a Successful Entrepreneur — Here's What You Need to Try Differently I've been rejected multiple times throughout my career, and I've always bounced back harder. Here's the secret.
By John Rampton Edited by Mark Klekas
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Let's be honest — being rejected stinks. We all get rejected sometimes — whether it's for a job, a romantic partner or even a social invitation.
Yet, it's important to remember that rejection isn't the end of the world, although it may be painful and discouraging. The good news is that there are several strategies you can use to get over being rejected quicker. As a long-time entrepreneur and business leader, I've learned the most productive and healthy ways to deal with rejection.
There are many types of rejection.
- Social rejection can wreck your self-esteem and well-being.
- Romantic rejection happens when someone doesn't reciprocate your advances.
- Professional rejection is caused by not being offered a job interview, being turned down for a promotion or being terminated.
It is common for rejection to result in painful emotions. There is evidence that rejection triggers activity in multiple regions of the brain that deal with physical pain. In fact, researchers have documented more than a dozen languages that associate rejection with being hurt, using terms like "crushed" or "broken-hearted."
Here's how to successfully deal with it
In order to cope with rejection effectively, resilience and coping mechanisms are essential. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Know the pain of rejection has a reason
An appropriate turn of phrase for hurt feelings is the 'sting of rejection.' As mentioned above, your brain perceives it as a physical injury. This is theorized to be because social bonds are essential to survival. To put it another way, we are dependent on each other. In a primal sense, death comes from being cast out.
In addition to evolution, our attachment styles — or how we relate to others in a relationship — also affect how we react to rejection. In childhood, we develop the ability to attach and detach confidently. Different attachment styles can influence how intensely we experience rejection; for instance, individuals with anxious attachment may feel rejection more acutely due to their heightened sensitivity to perceived abandonment. Therapy can help ease this intense pain by providing individuals with tools to better understand and manage their emotional responses. However, a little 'sting' is normal.
Accept rejection as a part of life
Sometimes, things just don't work out.
That said, rejection can be a catalyst for positive change. Even if you don't get the response you're after, you're taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone.
Life without rejection probably isn't a life worth living. It takes away the opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Rejection forces us to confront our vulnerabilities and adapt. As Kevin Feige, the President of Marvel Studios, once said, "Rejection is a common occurrence. Learning that early and often will help you build up the tolerance and resistance to keep going and keep trying."
Allow yourself to feel your emotions
Whether it's sadness, anger or disappointment, it's important to allow yourself to feel your emotions after rejection. Embrace your emotions, don't suppress them.
When you bottle up your emotions, it ultimately impacts your self-confidence. Alternatively, it can make you feel extra stressed, depressed, or anxious over time. Some people may even develop feelings of resentment toward others when they are angry or rageful.
When you overanalyze a situation and overthink it repeatedly or on overdrive, you are ruminating. Rumination is detrimental because it traps you in a cycle of negative thinking, preventing you from moving forward and finding constructive solutions. It can make you less likely to take future risks. It can also exacerbate feelings of sadness and anxiety, making it harder to gain perspective and heal from rejection. Diversion and distraction can be effective methods for stopping ruminating.
Keep in mind that it's usually not personal
While it can be challenging to consider the other side's perspective on your rejection, it can be helpful in the long run. When someone denies you, they rarely intend to hurt you. In most cases, they just do what they think is right.
Take the case of not getting the job you applied for, for example. Rather than intentionally rejecting you, they may have found a candidate with more suitable experience. They made the best choice for their specific needs and organizational goals. Understanding that the rejection is often a matter of fit rather than a personal judgment can help you reframe the experience.
It's also an opportunity to focus on your own growth and explore other paths that align better with your strengths and aspirations!
Focus on the positive
Rejection, no matter how small or large, can still negatively affect your sense of self-worth, whether in your personal or professional life. Take a moment to remind yourself of your strengths to help you cope with this response. Many studies have found affirmations can reduce stress, increase well-being, boost academic performance, and facilitate behavior change. Additionally, it may relieve the problematic rumination I mentioned above.
You can engage in activities that will boost your mood, affirm your self-worth, and allow you to spend time with those you care about. And, definitely surround yourself with supportive people instead of those who are toxic.
Related: 5 Ways to Turn Rejection Into Resilience
Respond to the rejection with possible solutions
Problem-focused coping involves considering possible solutions after rejection. This could look like repairing relationships, coping with rejection or cultivating new opportunities. Then, you need to begin taking concrete steps towards them.
When you're rejected, this can help you avoid emotional reactions like withdrawing from social activities or lashing out. Although these responses are understandable, detaching from or clashing with people is counterproductive when you want to feel accepted.
As a guideline, here is the model you can use:
- Clarify the problem
- Generate a range of potential solutions for dealing with it
- Consider the pros and cons of each option
- Identify the best option and concrete steps to achieve it
- Then, get started
Naming the issue will make identifying and narrowing down solutions easier. After that, you need to brainstorm all of the possible solutions. I always think it's a good idea to write your ideas down. Following that, you can consider the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Take time to evaluate each option thoroughly to determine which one will best address the issue and help you move forward. In the end, moving past the rejection is the ultimate goal.
Make self-care a priority
Avoiding grief prolongs the grieving process. As a result, you may find it helpful to take good care of yourself after rejection. Consider treating yourself as if you were dealing with someone who has just experienced the same situation. This could mean:
- Spending some time resting
- Using kind words to talk to yourself
- Treating yourself to a favorite treat
- Journaling
- Exercising
- Discuss it with a person
Again, allow yourself to feel disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness or any other emotions you may be feeling. By doing so, you'll be able to overcome them.
If you're rejected, prove them wrong
Rejection can inspire humility, resilience and courage — it can strengthen your determination to succeed in the long run. There are several real-life examples of this, too! Oprah Winfrey was fired as an evening news reporter because she couldn't separate her emotions from her stories. Stephen King's first book, Carrie, was rejected 30 times. His wife rescued the book after he tossed it into the trash and persuaded him to submit it again.
Sadly, some people will reject you without understanding your potential. It's best all around if you use rejection as fuel when this happens. To help you reach your ambitions, use it to propel you to work harder.
