Why You Can't Relate to Younger People — and Why They Don't Respect You Most would think it's merely the age gap that creates the disconnect, but the truth is, age has nothing to do with it.
By Clinton Sparks Edited by Mark Klekas
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Why do most teenagers not listen to their parents' advice about life?
It's not because they don't love, trust, or respect them. It's because they feel like their parents don't relate or understand their generation's issues.
If you're a parent, then you are all too familiar with lines like, "It's a different time since you were a kid, Dad," or, "Mom, it's not like that anymore." Or even the painful punch of, "You're old and just don't understand."
The disconnect between parents and children can often be applied to what we see in the entrepreneurial world. Age dynamics can cause friction. But there is plenty that both parties can learn from the other.
Why you can't relate to young people
Sometimes it feels like the younger generation isn't interested in getting advice or direction from someone older than them. However, they will gladly take input from people like Gary Vee, Daymond John, or Jay-Z. But why? It's not because you are older that they don't listen to you, it's because they admire people that are successful, and those that relate to their problems. In other words, these people are believable.
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So what can you, as a leader, do? You learn how to make young people realize that you do, in fact, relate. But it's not by simply telling them you understand, or trying to convince them that you do with old-time examples from back in the day. That can make it worse.
As a company leader, when trying to lead a younger generation of innovative and creative minds, no one wants to keep hearing about what you did and how it worked 20 years ago, let alone five years ago. Things move fast, and if you're not up on what worked or didn't work last year then — by no fault of their own — the younger staff will lose confidence and find it hard to believe you.
Sure, they'll act like they are listening and do what you tell them to do because you're the boss, but it doesn't matter how cool you think you are. They will discuss how outdated or corny your ideas are with each other. I've heard it in almost every company I've worked in.
The young generation has long thought they know it all. We were the same way too, when we were young. The difference today is the internet and social media.
With all the information, coaches, courses, and speakers, younger employees and entrepreneurs feel they have the shortcut to success, but often don't have the patience to incorporate the most important part of gaining this knowledge: experience.
Experience can help guide the younger generation, but the trick is to connect through relatability. Today's youth are sharp, in the know, and can — and will — fact check you. So you can't be full of it.
If you want to build a connection with your employees or anyone younger than you, it starts with listening. Take a genuine interest in what they care about, listen to, talk about. If you care about them, then you should care about doing this. It will help you understand who they are and what matters to them. And it shows that what matters to them also matters to you.
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If you don't know where to start, try asking:
- What shows they watch or music they listen to.
- Which authors they like or influencers they admire.
- What social good or non/profits they support
- What their goals are in life
- What their parents or upbringing was like
Historically, both sides resist each other's point of view because both sides think they know more than the other. By taking time to listen, you can break this trend.
Why the younger generation might not respect you
On the opposite side of this entrepreneur spectrum is the older generation that has been successful and have "paid their dues." In my experience, most of this group leans on their past wins to prove that they have the answers.
The problem is winning at one thing doesn't mean you understand how to win at everything.
Sure, there is a winner mentality, but that doesn't mean much. Michael Jordan had winner mentality, but it didn't make his baseball career nearly as great as his basketball one.
Being good or experienced at one thing doesn't make you automatically knowledgeable at all things. It's best to pay attention to the messenger, not just the message. Anyone can sound like they know what they're talking about, but you need to research who is giving the advice. Have they been able to win and repeat?
Also, those giving advice need to understand that what they are not great at is equally as important as knowing what they are great at.
Whether you're the boss of a company, leading younger professionals, or a parent at home, it doesn't mean you have the right answers just because you are older or have had more successful experiences over time. Yes, your experience is knowledge that can help guide others, but you have to remember that your experience can differ from somebody else's.
The younger generation understands this concept better. If you are able to admit what you don't know or where your experience might not be relevant, they will respect you more.
Success is subjective, and, your way doesn't necessarily mean the right way or the only way.
It's imperative to connect with those you lead by understanding and relating to them.
The bottom line is that both sides can learn from each other if they recognize the value in one another.
When you ignore, neglect, or discredit someone because of their age, whether younger or older, you are doing a disservice to yourself and, as a company leader, to those who depend on you.
Remember, it starts with caring.
If people listened as much as they wanted to be heard, they would hear how to be listened to.
Clinton Sparks is an Entrepreneur+ contributor. You can find more of his content here.
