If you’ve met me in person, you’ve probably gotten a really long and enthusiastic hug from me.
It’s how I like to connect with people. It comes from my days of making friends based on how I wanted to make them feel rather than show them how smart I was in school (because I wasn’t smart at all).
But I know not everyone is a hugger. And sometimes I settle for a handshake.
This is just one (of many) questions I had for today’s guest on The School of Greatness.
Vanessa Van Edwards is the queen bee of making an impression, body language, and the science of people.
She has spent years studying the science (research, studies, physiology, etc.) of how body language tells the story of what is going on inside someone’s brain.
This includes how to create a bond with someone, how to detect a lie, and how to be the most memorable person at an event. Not only does she know her stuff, but she’s a regular on sites like Huffington Post, Forbes, and lots of news shows.
You can imagine why I was dying to get her on the show after I found her work.
One of the most interesting moments of our conversation is when I turn the tables and try my hand at a killer conversation starter question. I won’t spoil the surprise of what happens next (I may or may not go into coach mode and give some business advice as well).
No matter who you are or what your business is, Episode 105 with Vanessa Van Edwards is a must-hear interview to learn the art and science of how people work.
Some Questions I Ask:
- Why aren’t we taught the science of people early on in our education?
- What are some non-verbal hacks that people can learn to increase charisma?
- How do you approach the seven seconds you have to make a first impression?
- Can you tell right away when someone is lying?
- How do you become the most memorable person at a large event?
- How can we increase our confidence through our body language?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- How Vanessa’s natural social awkwardness got her into her field of study
- How you can hack charisma with Vanessa’s formula
- Why introversion/extroversion and charisma should not be labels – they are on spectrums
- The first place our eyes go when we meet someone (I guessed wrong!)
- That we unconsciously mirror the expressions we are viewing in the person we are talking to
- Where to look at someone’s face depending on what you want them to think of you
- How to read micro-expressions to tell if someone is lying
- The ideal percent of eye-contact during a conversation (60 – 70%)
- That on average, we only detect lies 54% of the time BUT you can increase that up to 90% if you follow a formula
- About the power of dopamine and how to leverage it
- Examples of great conversation starter questions that make you memorable
- What happened when I turned the tables on Vanessa and asked her what was on her mind (spoiler alert: I go into coaching mode)
- The shift in importance from IQ to EQ, PQ, and SQ as we enter adulthood
- That a handshake is worth 3 hours of face-to-face time
- The rules on handshakes versus hugs
- Why testosterone helps us do better in social and business situations (and how to increase your levels)
- How checking your cell phone increases your stress levels (the body mechanics of it)
- Plus much more…
This story originally appeared on Lewis Howes