If Apple Buys Beats, What Else Will It Buy? Pretty Much Anything, Says Funny or Die.

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Former Staff Writer
2 min read

Could Apple’s rumored acquisition of Beats Electronics open Pandora’s box to further purchases still?

In a hilarious dig at the perceived capriciousness of the buy, a spoof by Funny or Die shows the tech giant tapping into its $130 billion cash mound to purchase entities as varied as Kohler Toilets and Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

“I saw a very nice sweater at Fred Segal last week,” says an actress portraying Karen Mills, the company’s chief of acquisitions, “so Apple acquired it.”

Related: Hear That? Apple May Buy Beats Electronics in $3.2 Billion Mega Deal.

“Is this true?” asks a man portraying CEO Tim Cook, in his distinct southern drawl. “Are we getting an ape?”

As various outlets have puzzled over why Apple might have its sights set on Beats, speculation includes that Apple is seeking to grow its digital music revenue, that it is eyeing Beats’ fashion-forward hardware for future wearable endeavors, or that the company is looking to poach Beats’ co-founder and music industry legend Jimmy Iovine.

Either way, when and if the deal goes through, one thing is certain: Iovine and Beats co-founder Dr. Dre will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Related: Music Mogul and Entrepreneur Dr. Dre: I'm the 'First Billionaire in Hip Hop'

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