You Will Always Lose at Workplace Conflicts Until You Start Adopting This Simple Mindset Change Being a "fighter" isn't necessarily a bad thing. And conflicts don't have to end with winners and losers.

Q: I always seem to lose in workplace conflicts. How can I win more? — Julio, Houston, TX

You say you're bad at resolving conflicts. Before we address that, let's back up and ask: What exactly is conflict…to you?

Everyone defines conflict differently. Maybe it's a disagreement. Or a fight. Or whenever people raise their voices.

Whatever your answer, I'd encourage you to reframe how you think about conflict. What if it's not a zero-sum game at all? What if "conflict" simply means there's more than one idea on the table — and someone else is advocating for their idea as passionately as you advocate for yours?

Related: How to Successfully Manage and Resolve Conflict on Your Team

When you think of it this way, conflict isn't necessarily bad. My former boss, Donnie Peaks, used to say, "You might be the smartest person in the room, but you're not smarter than the room." The best ideas come from a group that collaborates, not from groupthink where everyone readily acquiesces and agrees. That naturally leads to conflict — and conflict can help us devise better, more thorough solutions, because we're testing our ideas against others'.

Conflicts also don't have to end with winners and losers. In fact, many conflicts can be resolved with both sides feeling that they've won. How? Well, consider this: Conflict often occurs because multiple people disagree on how to reach a shared objective — which means you and your colleagues all want the same thing, right? You all want that project to succeed or the company to thrive. By debating how to get there, everyone can contribute to the outcome.

You said that you "lose in workplace conflicts." Here's my guess: In reality, you just don't feel heard in workplace conflicts. We can fix that.

Start by preparing privately before the conflict. You'll be clearer and more influential if you've written down your most important points, as well as how you plan to express yourself in the moment. Then, when it comes time to discuss (or debate!) with your colleagues, set some ground rules.

Related: How to Identify and Navigate Conflicts With Integrity

Ask the group to agree on some shared goals for the debate, and then establish some rules for how the engagement will go. Here's one of my personal favorites: Forbid interruptions, and restrict each person's argument to a certain timeframe (like, say, four minutes of speaking). This prevents those who are more outspoken from stealing the show.

During the discussion, you should carefully observe yourself and notice your emotions. If you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry — or if you notice anyone else in the group overheating — ask everyone to take a short break. That way, you can all emotionally reset and come back to the table more levelheaded.

Finally, if you feel like you're getting the short end of the stick, say so. You don't have to swallow an outcome you despise. Tell the group that you still have concerns about the proposed resolution. If others care about you, that should be reason enough to spend more time discussing.

Sometimes the group will choose your idea. Sometimes it won't. That's how these things go. But even if someone else's idea ends up on top, that doesn't mean you've lost. If their idea is the right one, and it helps you all succeed, then you've all won.

Related: From Faith to Politics: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations in the Workplace