Freedom Of Choice Don't force your kids to join the family business -- let them decide.

Expectation is a powerfulrepellent . . . especially in a familybusiness. "If kids grow up thinking everyone expects them tojoin the business, they'll wind up resenting it," saysSheila Strauss, whose two daughters have joined her husband'sfamily business as the fourth generation involved in The StraussInsurance Agency in New York City. Still, the Strausses admit itwas a wonderful feeling when the kids came to the business of theirown free will. "I didn't feel the need to pass the batonwhen they weren't in the business," says Sheila'shusband, Marvin, "but now I'm happy they're here toaccept it."

How can parents be assured their children don't feelpressured but, at the same time, present a choice that'sappealing and might eventually lead to a career in the familybusiness?

The Early Years

• Don't talk about a child's involvement in the familybusiness early in his or her life. What's important to both thechildren and the business is that children do what they enjoy andare good at when they grow up. "That's one reason I urgeparents to hold family meetings when the children are young. Itgives them a regular opportunity to talk about their children'sinterests," says David Niemeyer, a family therapist anddirector of Rutgers University Family Business Forum in Piscataway,New Jersey.

In addition to talking about the kids' strengths, talentsand interests, family council meetings can also be an opportunityfor children to complain about the family business and expressresentment that the business drains their parents of time andenergy. "When that happens, parents have an opportunity toexplain why they are so involved in the business and frame theexplanation in terms kids understand," Niemeyer says."Suppose your son is into hockey. Ask why he's willing toget up early to go to practice. He'll probably answer `BecauseI love the sport.' At that point, you can explain that'show you feel about the family business."

• Encourage your kids to drop in. Ivan Gural's grandchildren,Alex, 8, and Eve, 7, often stop in at Gural Associates' officein Haverford, Pennsylvania, after school. For Alex and Eve, thefamily's Thomas Register of American Manufacturers franchise,which sells the largest industrial buying guide in the UnitedStates, is a nice place to help out with chores for pocket money,do their homework, or be with their parents and grandparents. Theyfeel welcome to take part in thebusiness . . . without any pressure.

The Teen Years

• Present the business in a fair light. If you spend 90percent of your dinner conversations railing at your sister'sincompetence, your brother's greediness or your frustration atyour father's unwillingness to try new ideas, how can yourchildren get the idea that the family business is a fun place towork? Instead, weave your stories with two threads: the challengesand the satisfactions of working with your family.

• Focus on building value into the company. There's no way ofknowing at this point whether your children will want to join thefamily business, nor should they be forced into making anydecisions. By continuing to run a successful business, you take thepressure off them and assure yourself that you have a company youcan pass on to future generations or sell profitably if yourchildren back away.

• Share your enthusiasm about the business. A boring company isunlikely to be a desirable career choice for a teen who'sthinking about what he or she would like to do in life. "Mynegative feelings for the family's retail business werecertainly fed by my parents' aphorism on it as a future career:`There's always the family business,' " says IraBryck, director of the University of Massachusetts Family BusinessCenter in Amherst. "The message was powerful: This isn'tanyone's first choice, but if you can't get anything else,it's here."

• Let grandparents make the pitch. Whereas parental advice isviewed skeptically at best during adolescence, grandparents areoften viewed as sages. So it's no surprise that when RobinStrauss Rashbaum and Debra Strauss heard their grandmother go onand on about how wonderful family businesses were, they wereinfluenced. This may not have been the deciding factor in theirdecisions to join the business, but it was certainly part ofit.

As Young Adults

• Continue to share your enthusiasm. You never know when a childmight decide the family business looks like a promising venture.Chris Carini, for example, broached the subject of joining thefamily business with his dad, Peter Carini, in October 1996, aftera number of years in government and public administration. He knewit was risky, because his elder brothers had joined the Greenwich,Connecticut, energy services company and then left after a fewyears when they decided the fit was wrong. "But over theyears, I had listened to my father talk about all theentrepreneurial things he was doing with Champion Energy Corp., andI got excited and energized by his talk. And then I thought I hadsomething to give the company."

• Give them time. Again, on the "you never know"principle, Debra Strauss says she never would have gone into thebusiness immediately after college. "I wasn't sure thiswas what I wanted to do," she says, "and as the youngerchild in the family, I didn't want to be treated as thebaby." So she went into financial planning and strategy andearned an MBA before approaching her parents about joining thefirm. "I needed to see the contrast, and I did," shesays. It was that contrast--a more sane and flexible lifestyle andthe opportunity to work for herself and build on a familytradition--that finally brought her into the fold.

Gural, with three children in the business and a fourthcontemplating joining it, sums up the reeling-in process this way."If you allow them to see the satisfaction and pleasure youget from the business, let them put their toes in it gradually, anddon't pressure them at any point along the way," he says,"you tend to eliminate the natural resistance they have to aparent who is trying to push them in a particular direction."And who knows? They may even take the baton and run with it.

Contact Sources

Champion Energy Corp., (203) 862-9595, http://www.championenergy.com

Gural Associates, 349 W. Lancaster Ave., Haverford, PA19041, fax: (610) 642-8162

The Strauss Agency, (212) 564-5335, fax: (212)465-8074

Patricia Schiff Estess writes family business histories andis the author of two books, Managing Alternative WorkArrangements (Crisp Publishing) and Money Advice for YourSuccessful Remarriage (Betterway Press).