5 Donald Trumps Around the World
A Note From The Editor
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Love him or hate him, Americans must agree that Donald Trump is a quite unique candidate. And with the seemingly superhuman power to say outrageous things with little to no repercussions, the presumptive Republican nominee for president could be forgiven for thinking that it’s his world and we’re all just visiting.
But a cursory view of politicians throughout this blue planet shows that it’s rapidly becoming orange. While all politics may be local, Trump-like behavior has definitely gone global.
1. Rodrigo Duterte, Philippines
The former mayor of Davao, the current president elect’s campaign slogan of “the system is broken, I’ll fix things” is at once as simplistic and grandiose as "Make America Great Again," and looks just as good on an oversized baseball cap. His campaign highlights included, but weren’t limited to, forcing a tourist who violated an anti-smoking ordinance to eat his own cigarette butt, saying of an Australian missionary who’d been raped and murdered during a prison riot that he wished he was first in line to assault her and threatening to shut down congress should they ever try and impeach him.
But perhaps Hot Rod’s most Trumpian move was to start a feud with His Holiness. And while The Donald merely called Pope Francis “disgraceful” for daring to condemn his immigration policies, Duterte raised the pontiff bashing bar even further by actually calling P-Frank’s mother a "whore” after his recent visit to Manila caused traffic problems. Duterte has since lost some Trump points by doing the very Un-Don move of apologizing.
2. Boris Johnson, England
Not only does the former mayor of London sport a similar, slightly less kept quaff, he’s also voiced similar theories as to the origin story behind America’s current commander in chief. While Johnson hasn’t gone so far as to demand that President Barack Obama produce his birth certificate, he did recently say the following regarding Obama’s support of the U.K. staying in the E.U.: “Some said it was a symbol of the part-Kenyan president’s ancestral dislike of the British empire -- of which Churchill had been such a fervent defender.”
Speaking of birth certificates …
3. Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Turkey
The president of the Muslim world’s one democracy didn’t take kindly to German comedian Jan Boehmermann’s satirical poem claiming the parody poo-pooing prez enjoys hitting girls in between athletic rounds of goat sex. So much so that R-Tay filed a formal complaint against the fatherland funny man, under a rarely-used law that prohibits German citizens from mocking foreign bigwigs, with the maximum penalty being life in prison. Yikes!
All of which should sound familiar to Bill Maher, whom Trump sued back in 2013, after the comedian claimed the sensitive scamp was the half-human spawn of an orangutan-on-person coupling. The jibe was meant to mock Trump’s then relentless campaign to get Obama to produce his Hawaiian birth certificate and wound up with The Donald revealing his all-Homosapien pedigree and suing the Real Time host for $5 million.
4. Kirralie Smith, Australia
The Australian Liberty Alliance (or “ALA” to its friends) was launched, in secret, last year by anti-immigration Dutch MP Geert Wilders, and despite little coverage and a whole lot of disgust by the mainstream media, their numbers have been steadily growing. And while Trump has explained his proposed Muslim ban with talking points along the lines of “this is just a suggestion until we find out what's going on," current ALA New South Wales Senate candidate, Kirralie Smith, claims she’s less against the people and more just anti-where-they-hang.
“Being opposed to a mosque does not make you a racist. Mosques are not a race," said the wannabe pol and current head of the puzzling website Halal Choices. Added Ms. Smith of her American counterpart’s similar sensibilities: "I think Donald Trump stole our ideas.” Oh, he’s not gonna like that one bit, Kirralie!
5. Kim Jong Un and Kim Jong Il, North Korea
Not only does Glorious Leader and Notorious Cheater have curious relationships with the media (The Donald allegedly enjoys prank calling them while Li’l Kim definitely enjoys expelling them), they both seem to play a little fast and loose with their local private clubs’ score cards.
Samuel L. Jackson told The Daily Beast that Trump has a habit of "finding" balls on dry land that were previously seen hooking into bodies of water, and Un’s dearly departed daddy, Kim Jong Il, claimed to have scored 11 holes-in-one on an 18-hole course during the first game he ever played. Jackson’s claim to The Donald’s other form of cheating has been corroborated by hard rocker Alice Cooper and sports columnist Rick Reilly, while every citizen north of the DMZ can confirm Il’s world record. (Pay no attention to the gun upside their heads while they discuss it.)