Be Your Own Teammate First: Experiences Learned from Walking Away What I learned from saying no to the Flag Football World Championships.
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I'm a lifelong go-getter. It's a quality that has led me to some of my proudest accomplishments: VP of a startup; fellow in a professional development program; coach and medal-winning competitive weightlifter; high school teacher through Teach for America; board member of several organizations and in my spare time, a wedding planner. Persistence is in my DNA, and there's no doubt that this attitude has helped me thrive in a society that rewards doers.
Yet, perhaps the most valuable lesson of my adult life is that sometimes it's actually good to throw in the towel.
Last year, I was a member of Israel's National Flag Football team. A team that I love and a commitment that I cherished. But it meant many months of coming home sore and tired at midnight with a six am wakeup awaiting the next day. All while struggling to fall asleep as I sorted through the numerous other commitments I had on my plate.
When my team qualified for the Flag Football World Championships, it was clear that the grueling work paid off. It also made it even harder when, 10 days before the championships, I decided to quit the team.
I will always have regrets about missing that championship. But I'm better off because I did. And here's why.
Lesson 1: Being the best doesn't have to mean doing the most
I'm a former Ninja contestant, CrossFit tournament winner and Israeli weightlifting record-setter. My penchant for athletic achievement has undoubtedly translated to the early success of my professional life. Competition drives me like nothing else.
At the same time, I struggled with chronic pain, which was constantly at odds with my tenure on the national flag football team. Throw 18-hour workdays into the mix, and you've got a recipe for being stretched too thin. But I never wanted to let my teammates down. I expected the most from myself and my competitive nature made me push through the pain.
Eventually, I recognized that being uncompromisingly competitive as an athlete made it impossible to bring my best self to all the other important parts of my life. Stepping away from the team went against my every fiber. It also ended up being the kindest, most selfless gift I could give to my family, friends, coworkers and, most importantly, to my own mind and body. It helped that my teammates — accomplished and inspiring women themselves — were so understanding.
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Lesson 2: Downtime isn't lost time
Balancing an engaged personal life and a healthy work life, while still making time to give back, is something I've always been proud of. My confidence in my ability to always deliver quality work, build strong relationships and keep up with my hobbies made it hard to turn down any opportunity. Even when it felt like I didn't have enough hours in the day, I still believed that free time was lost time. Hey Siri… remind me what no means?
Though I didn't necessarily realize it when I chose to quit the team, it quickly dawned on me that being able to do it all doesn't always mean that you should. Stepping away from flag football didn't mean suddenly taking a vacation (I could use one!), and I still find it difficult to truly relax. But reconsidering the value of my time allowed me to do more with it. I learned that sometimes saying no to an opportunity — even one as big as a world championship — can open up future opportunities to say yes. And lead to even more things that enrich my work, my relationships and my daily life.
As Naval Ravikant put it, "No one is going to value you more than you value you…[so] set a high personal hourly rate, and stick to it." Quitting flag football meant raising the value of my time.
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Lesson 3: It's okay to put myself first
Just writing that headline makes me feel a little selfish. It goes against my work ethic, our societal values and the personal philosophies I had long held.
The words of my father — he was my first role model and still an essential presence in my life — helped me make the difficult decision to quit the team. The attitude of success he instilled in me is a big reason I was able to reach a milestone like the world championships in the first place. And yet, he always stood by the mantra — work hard to do right by others, but not at the expense of yourself or your own well-being. He also reminded me (sometimes in jest, though always with truth at its core) that I am a professional executive now, not a professional athlete anymore.
The thought of my team winning without me was as painful as the thought of losing (did I mention I'm competitive?). In reality, putting my holistic personal needs ahead of my desire to win gave me something far more valuable than another medal — silver or gold. Writing this very piece is the ultimate testament to that.
Related: Personal Growth Means Recognizing You're the Sum of Your Inputs
The real championship
Representing my chosen country in the Flag Football World Championship would have been an honor and a dream come true. But it also would have been a disservice not only to myself but to my teammates.
Part of my competitive nature means I place a high value on personal growth. To have the experience of quitting and walking away, having grown and learned about how to lead a healthier, more fulfilling life, is the first step towards the next stage of success.
Can I do it all? Yes! Should I do it all? Hell no!
